From: Sharon Himmanen OK, I have another contribution in the works which is getting rather large and may end up getting posted after the war, but here's a little something that occurred to me today. It was supposed to be light but didn't quite end up that way (I hate it when they don't cooperate . . .). Comments, criticism, the pointing out of glaring errors in spelling, grammar or logic should be sent to me at: shihc@cunyvm.cuny.edu or romana@aol.com Choices A Forever Not story by Sharon Himmanen Natalie carefully maneuvered her car into her assigned parking spot and gathered up her briefcase, her bag, and a huge pile of folders. She'd taken work home with her again last night, as she had nearly every night for the past year. It helped, keeping herself busy, she reflected as she carefully balanced all her items and walked toward the garage elevator of the Coroners Building. And time had lessened the hurt, although she knew a small portion of it would always remain with her. But things were getting better. The weeks after Nick had shown up at her apartment one evening and told her that he was through trying to find a cure, that he was tired, and that he was going back to Janette had been devestating. She hadn't allowed Nick to see that, or so she hoped, and had tried to talk some sense into him, demanding to know what had happened, what had brought this on. He hadn't given her an adequate answer, which hadn't surprised her. When did Nick ever give her an adequate answer to anything? So she had stood there helplessly as he made his choice and walked out of her apartmentand out of her life that night. Oh, she'd seen him from time to time and had spent countless hours on the phone or over coffee with Schanke, trying to comfort him after Nick suddenly and without explanation quit the police force. Schanke was so beside himself, so sure it was something that *he* had done that she'd gone to the loft determined to bully Nick into at least calling Schanke and giving him *some* explanation. Nick hadn't bothered asking for his key back, and she knew he was home because the Caddie was parked in the garage. But somehow it didn't feel right to just barge right in, not anymore. And since it was now a distinct possiblity, she also didn't want to risk a repeat of what had happened that time with Janette . . . So she'd hit the buzzer like any good and polite visitor. But if Nick were there, he wasn't answering the door. So she had gone home, determined to go on with her life. She'd always known this was a possibility, that Nick might give up or move on, or leave her behind in some way so she had tried to remain prepared for it. Before Nick had come along Natalie wouldn't have said she had an empty, lonely life, or that she worked too much. She'd had friends, she'd had a very healthy social life, thank you very much. But with Nick now gone, there was a huge hole left behind and nothing to fill it, nothing that she was interested in having fill it anyway. You can't meet a vampire one night and then, three years later, go back to doing the same mundane things normal people did. You just can't, she told herself. The folders in her hands were beginning to get heavy so she quickened her pace toward her office where she could thankfully unload them. But when she entered the room she saw that she had a visitor. Natalie fought down a stab of bright, hot anger at the sight of Janette sitting comfortably in her domain, at her desk, smoking a cigarette. It was bad enough losing Nick to Janette (and she *knew* that's what had happened) but to have her sitting here regally like the queen vampire of Toronto was just too much for Natalie to take. "You know," she began conversationally, "this is a smoke- free zone for a reason. Those jars," she said, waving her hand at the shelf next to Janette's head, "are just full of things that can catch fire. Burn fast and hot, and it would be over before you knew what hit you." To her irritation, Janette slowly took one more puff, then dropped the cigarette to the floor and ground it out with her heel. "Nicholas would be very upset if anything happened to me," she said with an amused smile on her face. "What do you want, Janette?" Natalie said, stepping forward and placing the stack of files carefully on her desk, trying to cover the irritation over the way she said that by shuffling through them and changing the subject. "Oh, I thought I'd drop by and give you some friendly advice," Janette said casually. Natalie stopped fussing with the files. "Friendly advice?" she asked, making no effort to hide the sarcasm and doubt in her voice. "You know, of course, that there's been considerable bad blood between Nicholas and LaCroix. I mean, Nick did tell you , didn't he?" Natalie shrugged. "He mentioned a few things here and there. What does this have to do with me? I imagine they're getting along just famously now," she added, a touch of bitterness in her voice. "One would imagine, yes," Janette said slowly. At her tone, Natalie looked up sharply, eyebrows raised in question. "It's a family matter," Janette said firmly. "That's my friendly advice to you, doctor. If anyone should come to see you, just remember that it's a family matter and stay out of it." Natalie frowned at Janette. "Well," she said, folding her arms casually, "I suppose that would depend on circumstances now, wouldn't it?" At this, Janette rose and stepped close to her. "Nicholas is mine, now, doctor." Then her voice softened. "And I won't tolerate interference. *Any* interference. Just remember that." Despite the obvious threat, Natalie saw more than a little desperation in Janette's eyes as they stared at one another, and she suddenly felt a small wave of pity for her. She was all too familiar with this herself--if Nick came back to her today, she'd do just about *anything* to keep him herself. Janette must have seen the sympathy, and was offended by it because suddenly Natalie saw small flecks of gold in the other woman's blue eyes. Involuntarily Natalie took a small step back, cursing herself for it as Janette smiled sharply at her with satisfaction. Then she was gone. One minute Janette had been standing in front of her, and the next the double doors leading to the hallway were swinging violently. Natalie blinked and sighed, wondering just what the hell that was all about. She tried to quell the small spark of hope that was flaring in her chest. So things weren't going all that great. Maybe there was a chance that Nick would come to his senses yet. But she'd have to wait and see. She had no doubt that she'd be persona non grata if she went down to the Raven right now. No, Nick would have to come to her, she decided. It was the only way. The only way to maintain her pride, and the only way for her to be sure that it was what he really wanted. So she waited. And waited. And waited. And tried not to be disappointed. Then one day, as she walked in for her shift, Grace stopped her in the hallway. "You've got a visitor," she said with an odd look on her face. Before Natalie could question her further she moved off. With a triumphant smile on her face, Natalie walked toward her office, deliberately keeping her pace even. At the door, she composed her expression to one of casual neutrality. No sense letting him know she was expecting this. But the man who was waiting for her as she entered was not Nick. It was LaCroix. Natalie stopped and stared in shock for a full thirty seconds before remembering that she wasn't supposed to remember meeting LaCroix. So she tried desperately to recover, and succeeded fairly well she thought, as she blinked, and smiled slightly at him. "May I help you?" she asked. He smiled congenially at her and said, "Doctor Lambert?" She remembered that smile, and also couldn't help but note that he got the title right this time--he obviously wanted something from her and was going out of his way to be polite. "Yes?" she said. When she felt him attempt to catch her gaze and probe her mind she dropped her eyes and moved past him to her desk, absolutely determined not to fall into that trap again. "Is there something I can do for you, Mr . . .?" She turned and glanced briefly back at him before sitting down. If he was disappointed, he didn't show it. "LaCroix," he said. "Lucien LaCroix." Then he paused and waited for her reaction. She didn't give him the satisfaction of having any reaction at all, simply staring up at him. *That* irritated him slightly, she realized, as she saw flecks of gold in his eyes, and she reminded herself that she had better be more careful. "I see," she said slowly, deciding it might be a good idea to give in to him a bit. "You know, of course, why I'm here," he said. Natalie sighed. "I imagine it has something to do with Nick." "My dear doctor," he said with a smile. "It's *always* about Nick." "Well, I don't think there's anything I can do," she said. "Nick made it very clear he doesn't want my help." LaCroix laughed scornfully. "Nicholas doesn't know what he wants. He thinks he knows now, or he's allowed Janette to convince him about what he wants." Natalie leaned back and frowned at him. "I don't get it," she said. "He's made his choice. You have him back," she said slowly, forcing the the words out. "You should be delighted. He's gone back to Janette. He's given up trying to find a cure. I can't even begin to imagine what kind of problem there would be." "There shouldn't be one," LaCroix agreed, rising and pacing around the room. "He has fully embraced the lifestyle, reclaimed the gift I've given him." At that, Natalie froze. "Has he . . ." she asked before she could stop herself. LaCroix turned to her in surprise. "Killed? Well," he said, "it is what we do." As her face paled, he continued. "But, no. Not that he wouldn't, I think," LaCroix said thoughtfully. "It's just too dangerous. Janette won't allow it. And with good reason," he added. "But he is drinking human blood. A lot of human blood." "So what's the problem?" She desperately tried to keep her voice even although this news all but broke her heart. It shouldn't still hurt like this, she reminded herself. She'd done everything she could for Nick. LaCroix looked at her thoughtfully for nearly a full minute. "The problem," he said finally, "is that now that he's come back, he is insufferably boring!" Natalie should have been shocked and surprised, but instead she found herself choking back a laugh at the expression of utter disgust on LaCroix face. She managed to cover most of it, but couldn't help but smile slightly. LaCroix continued in exasperation, "He spends all night in that insufferable club of Janette's, at her table with her drinking bottle after bottle of blood. Just sitting there, *staring* at all those pathetic mortals and listening to that awful clamor they're calling music these days. "Janette doesn't seem to mind," Natalie said, deciding it was wiser to ignore his comment about mortals. "Of course Janette doesn't mind. She has him exactly where she wants him, and I don't need to tell you where *that* is." He paused, seeming to enjoy the sting those words gave her, then added, "Plus, she's been doing exactly the same thing for centuries. She's used to it, and she's beside herself now that Nicholas seems content to waste eternity in the same fashion. He agrees with *everything* I say. And the worst part is, he really means it!" LaCroix paused and sighed deeply. "At least when Nicholas was trying to live as a mortal he was interesting. This is just unacceptable." "Which," Natalie said, "brings us back to the original question. How can I help you?" "It's how *I* can help you," he said, leaning forward. "And in the end we'll both get exactly what we want out of it." And with that, he outlined his plan while Natalie sat back and regarded him with astonishment and no small amount of interest. When he'd finished, he sat back and seemed to wait for her agreement. "This might work," Natalie admitted finally, reluctantly. "It *will* work," LaCroix said. "You're part in it is very important." He started to rise, but Natalie stopped him by holding up her hand. "But let me see if I've got this straight," she said. LaCroix slowly sat down, his expression so insufferably patronizing that she wanted to smack him. "As I understand it, you're bored and you want me to convince Nick that he really wants to be mortal again so he'll start looking for a cure. But when he finds one, you'll take it away again. Have I got this right?" Irritation flashed in his eyes as she summed it up, but he merely nodded, and continued to wait. "Tell me one thing before I give you my answer," she said although she knew what her answer was and was taking a calculated risk. His eyes narrowed. "You want to know if there's a cure?" Natalie merely nodded. "There are many legends," he began. "And as with all legends there is a grain of truth. And now there's science." "That's not an answer," Natalie said. "It is the best answer I can give you." She sighed knowing that was all she was going to get, then shook her head sadly. "I would give just about anything to get Nick to start looking for a cure again," she told him truthfully. "But there's no way I will be a party to a scheme that is designed to make Nick miserable," she said. "The only way I can help him, *will* help him, is to let him go and hope that he finds his own way back." She paused, then boldly said, "You've never learned that, have you?" LaCroix glowered at her, but Natalie continued on, almost sarcastically. "It's only been *one* year out of eternity. You've got all the time in the world. Don't you know *anything* other than conflict? Is your existence without it so intolerable?" He glared at her, the lines of his face tense and hard. But thankfully, his eyes remained the same glacial blue. Then his face again relaxed into that arrogant smile. "I could kill you so easily," he said, and there was almost a note of wonder in his voice. Natalie nodded slowly, fighting down the knot that suddenly appeared in her chest. "You could," she agreed. "And there'd be very little I could do to stop you." "But you'd try," he said softly and it wasn't so much a question as a statement. And suddenly, Natalie did not like the way he was looking at her. She slowly shook her head. "Why not?" he said with a small laugh. "It's not as if you could stop me? And," he continued, "it might be just the thing for Nicholas too. He must still care about you. He mentions you often. At the very least you'd be more entertaining than he is right now." "No," Natalie said again, shaking her head emphatically. "Besides," she said, her mind racing to think of something that would change his mind, "there's a better way." She was trying to buy some time. "Oh, I don't think so," he said, getting up. "If there was, I would have thought of it." Now he was moving behind her. She felt his hand on her shoulder, resting lightly. Natalie rose, slipping out from beneath his hand. She moved into the center of the lab and placed the autopsy table between herself and LaCroix, for whatever good it would do. He was smiling, enjoying this, and Natalie realized she was giving him exactly what he wanted. "You understand something of this, I think," LaCroix continued. "At the very least, Nicholas represented a challenge for you. Tell me that you've slipped easily and happily back into the life you had before he entered it. Tell me that Nicholas' quest was an easy one for you to give up, that there was no problem for you to go from helping a vampire regain his mortality back to being plain, simple Natalie Lambert, county coroner." When she didn't answer he continued, "We *can* help each other. One way or the other." As he spoke he moved around the table. Natalie knoew that retreat was useless at this point so she stood her ground, watching him move slowly toward her until they were face to face, with less than a foot between them. "Go talk to Nicholas," he said. She realized he'd deftly maneuvered her into a corner. Natalie knew exactly the choice he was offering her, the choice between abandoning her own principles where Nick was concerned or the end of her mortal life and the beginning of an eternal one. But Natalie also realized that the choice was simple, that there really wasn't a choice at all. The End?