Subject: CHALLENGE: FILK: "I Enjoy Being a Vamp" Date: Sun, 1 Apr 2001 01:40:16 -0500 From: Brenda Bell To: FKFIC-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU At 10:19 PM 3/29/2001 -0700, Molly wrote on FORKNI-L: >We tend to forget that Nick didn't whine and have regrets *all* 800 >years--there were times when he *enjoyed* being a vampire (oh, no, I just >know someone's gonna write a filk...or already has: I Enjoy Being a Vamp!). OK, since you *asked for it*, Molly! To the tune of Rogers' and Hammerstein's "I Enjoy Being a Girl" (from the musical, "Flower Drum Song"): I Enjoy Being a Vamp ---------------- I'm a vamp, and by me that's only great! I am proud of my fangs so long and pointed When I walk, no one ever hears my gait, I'm as pow'rful as one of God's annointed. I enjoy wearing black suits from Armani, Shoes and shirts from La Renta and Bill Blass, While Janette chooses evening wear from Gianni Which falls nicely across her rounded.... (hips?) When I have a brand-new torture And my Nightcrawler show's on ramp Nicholas listens to me, I'm sure -- I enjoy being a vamp. When fledgelings come to the Raven In the garments of Gothic camp And consider the club their haven, I enjoy being a vamp. I flip over patrons young and funny, Their blood tastes like flowers of the night Like fine viands aged wine with honey, An ambrosia that makes the world all right! When mortal, I was Patrician 'Til Vesuvius wrecked Pompeii And Rome voided my old commission Leaving me To wander free To hunt and prey my way. (short musical interlude) At night, when by moonlight scrying, My next dinner sets up her camp As I soar through Toronto, flying I enjoy being a vamp. My shadow descends upon her And her heart rate begins to ramp, As it dawns on her she's a 'goner' -- I enjoy being a vamp. It's the rush as the fear lies fast upon her, And the smell of her blood entices me; It's the song of her pulse that whets my hunger For that taste of hemoglobin ecstasy! When mortal, I was Patrician 'Til Vesuvius wrecked Pompeii And Rome voided my old commission Leaving me To wander free To hunt and prey my way. (Long musical dance number in which Lacroix, Nick, and Janette go hunting. In each scene, Nick (1) initially refuses the meal, (2) has a flashback, and (3) succumbs when Lacroix tempts him just too far; Janette tries to play peacemaker but ends up either draining the victim, or going without as Nicholas manages to drain the victim dry first; Lacroix terrorizes Nick. Finally, Lacroix returns to screen, exhausted and yellow-eyed.) There is something that ev'ry vampire shares From the ancients up to the newly-fledged: Our digestion o'ertakes us unawares In the blood lust the Ancients have alleged. We adore snacking on the young and wealthy, Sipping blood from their pretty little necks Their finances make them extremely healthy, And a healthy meal is better far than... ("bundling"?) (more music and dance, including a scene or two with Divia) When mortal, I was Patrician 'Til Vesuvius wrecked Pompeii And Rome voided my old commission Leaving me To wander free To hunt and prey my way. ---FIN--- The preceding is a work of parody and is not meant to infringe upon the rights of the Rogers and/or Hammerstein estates, nor the rights of Sony/Tristar and the various owners of Forever Knight intellectual property. Yes, it's done in Lacroix's voice. Yes, there a couple of "placeholder" words. And yes, I tried to follow the original structure as much as possible -- but I don't have the libretto here with me at the moment... Brenda F. Bell webwarren@earthlink.net /nick TMana IM: n2kye Arctophile, computer addict, TREKker, stealth photographer... UA, PoCBS, FKPagan; Neon-Green GlowWorm HugMistress of the Ger Bear Project http://members.Tripod.com/~TMana/ Gerthering 3 Photos: http://members.Tripod.com/~TMana/gertherng/ Visit the Fiendish Glow at http://home.earthlink.net/~webwarren/glow/