From sclark@best.com Tue Jul 28 11:40:59 1998 Date: Sun, 12 Jul 1998 19:18:42 -0700 From: clark To: fkfanfic@merlin.darkmage.net Subject: Everyone's A Critic Permission given to archive at fkfanfic website as well as FTP site. No other permission is granted to repost/reprint/reuse. If you're interested drop me a line. Thanks again to Marci for the title. And, to the IRC folks for giving it a beta listen. This story is based on characters and situations that aren't mine. Thanks to TPTB for their use. Everyone's A Critic by S. Clark Natalie wandered into the cramped and stuffy room. Seated in front of a computer, head face down on the keyboard, sat a young woman. Natalie looked to Nick, who himself was looking sheepish as he sat in the easy chair in the corner of the room. "Nick?" Natalie didn't really want to ask the question, but she did have to know. He stood and came to her side. "Yes?" She indicated the fang marks on the woman's neck. "Do you know who did this?" Nick glanced down, as if it was the first time he was seeing the dead body. "Looks to be a vampire." "Any particular vampire?" "Perhaps." "Perhaps LaCroix?" "No." "But you do know this vampire?" She asked. "Yes." "Do I know this vampire?" He thought about this for a moment. "Yes." Natalie pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. "Give me a hint?" "Like a game?" "Yes, Nick, like a game. How about rhymes with?" "Rhymes with," he furrowed his brow in thought. The light went on and he smiled. "Rhymes with brick." Natalie looked at him. "You didn't." His guilt was reflected in his eyes, confirming her worst fears. "You did." Nick indicated the body. "She forced me." Natalie looked at the woman. A little shorter than average. All signs were she lived a basically sedentary lifestyle. Natalie looked back at Nick. "You don't say. How, pray tell, did she do that?" "You know my favorite show, 'The Horrors of Hanover?'" Nat nodded. "She wrote a story about it." Natalie looked at the computer screen. A word processing program was open but, due to the weight of the corpse, all that was visible was a page of the letter 'h'. She pushed the dead woman's head back and scrolled up to the top of the document. "'The Horror's Trip in a Handbasket' by Zelda Z." The name sounded familiar. "Nick, you've made me read stories by this woman. You like her stories." "Not the last one," he protested. "It was icky." "Icky?" "She killed off my favorite character." "You mean the woman who's the spunky sidekick and possible love interest?" Nick shook his head no. "The goofy but lovable co-worker, the one who provides the comic relief?" Nick rolled his eyes. "That's not my favorite." "You must mean the self-absorbed sometimes slow to grasp the obvious but kind of hunky lead." "Yes!" Nick grinned. "That's the one." "She killed off your favorite character, so you killed her?" Nick nodded. "And you don't think that was an over-reaction?" Nick shook his head. Then, under the scrutiny of Natalie's frown, started nodding again. Natalie sighed. "Nick, don't you think it would have made more sense to be a little less permanent in your critique?" Nick pondered that for a second. "How so?" "Sending a polite note, maybe? Or, just say nothing and wait for a story you like?" "But she killed off my favorite character, Herbert Horror." "Nick, she wrote lots of stories, right?" Nick nodded. "Most of them you liked, right?" Nick nodded again. "Especially the ones where Herbert got to get all close and snugly with his spunky female sidekick." "You won't be able to read any more stories by this woman, Nick. You've killed her!" "But she killed Herbert!" he exclaimed, as if that were explanation enough. "It was speculative, Nick. A 'what if?' type scenario. It doesn't change what happened on the show." Nick thought about this for a moment. "Oh," he responded. "That's all you have to say?" Natalie couldn't believe him sometimes. "Oh?" she added, mocking his tone. "Oh, sorry?" he added. "Nick?" "What?" "Next time you don't like a story, or even like one, do me a favor?" "Which is?" "Send e-mail." Nick nodded. "Gotcha."