From sclark@best.com Tue Jul 28 11:40:33 1998 Date: Sun, 12 Jul 1998 19:11:12 -0700 From: clark To: fkfanfic@merlin.darkmage.net Subject: Eh-Oh, LaCroix (01/02) Permission given to archive at fkfanfic website as well as FTP site. No other permission is granted to repost/reprint/reuse. If you're interested drop me a line. As always, feedback is welcomed. And, as long as you're still reading, I figure I'll take the opportunity to mention a worthwhile FK-related cause. Todays event is the Kickstart the Knight letter writing campaign. If you haven't been following the most recent events a new name has been added for Sony Product Development. If you need more information about where or who to write feel free to drop me a line. If you don't like the story please don't hold it against the good folks who keep the 'Kickstart the Knight' campaign going. While I asked permission to mention KtK they knew nothing about what story it'd be tacked onto. This story is based on characters and situations that aren't mine. Thanks to all of TPTB for their use. No copyright infringement is intended. Eh-Oh, LaCroix (01/02) by S. Clark LaCroix felt the fingers of dawn reaching for him. The light was fast approaching and he needed a place to hide, and quickly. As he scanned the open fields about him he cursed the idea that he should ever come to England let alone come without making proper preparations. Ahead of him he spotted some sort of building. A rounded dome. Perhaps some kind of oddly designed stable or storage building. No matter. It was the only place with sufficient cover for spending the day. He didn't relish the thought of digging a hole. He needed a place now. He landed on top of it and discovered an entrance. He jumped in and found himself sliding down a spiral slide into the structure. Some sort of weird creature stirred in the darkness. It looked like a Hoover on wheels but with eyes and a brush attachment acting as a mouth. LaCroix didn't notice the thing as he scanned the building. LaCroix tried to pick a place away from the cover of too many windows. Unfortunately this seemed to be one of those buildings that aimed for a 'sunny' and 'cheerful' design. He huddled against a wall and covered himself with his thick traveling cloak. It wasn't perfect but it was something. Then he went to sleep. LaCroix awoke to find a tugging on his cloak. He could sense it was now full day. There was no way he could survive in this place without its cover. He peeked out and saw his cloak was being sucked into the 'nose,' for lack of a better term, of a creature that was shaped like a Hoover. He tugged at the cloak and hissed at the thing but the creature wouldn't release its grip. He grasped the thing around the 'nose' (hose?), clamping down with superhuman strength. "Release it or I'll dismantle you." The creature's color was changing from blue to, well, blue. But the second blue seemed to be of a far-less-healthy-it-wasn't-breathing variety. It released its hold on the cloak and LaCroix pulled it back over himself. All of this stir attracted the attention of another being within this house. This time it was a small red creature with a white face and an odd appendage sticking out the top of its head. "Eh-oh," it said, apparently to LaCroix. "Stay away from the Vampire, Po," warned an adult voice. LaCroix sized up the new thing then glanced about the room as best he could while still hidden beneath the cloak. "Who's there? Where are you?" he called to the voice. Po was very excited to see something new in the dome. Even though she was warned to stay away her curiosity got the best of her and she approached the being to see what it was. "Ay away from da vahm'pire," said Po. She jumped up and down with glee. "Ay away from da vahm'pire." "Yes, do stay away," hissed LaCroix, "and perhaps I'll let you live." Through the window Po could see the windmill turning faster and faster. She ran out to join the others on the hilltop. LaCroix gave one last sneer at the Hoover-beast and settled down to again attempt to sleep. Outside on the hilltop the magic image went from teletubby to teletubby. It finally settled on Po's belly. She was amazed to see within the image the picture of the man who was down in the dome. "Vahm'pire," said Po, very excited. "Vahm'pire?" asked Dipsy. "Vahm'pire?" asked Laa Laa. "Vahm'pire?" asked Tinky Winky. "Vahm'pire," said Po. And all the teletubbies laughed. Then the image began to speak. Low, even tones. "And so in your eyes, I'm the devil?" The image changed to that of another man. This man stood to face the first. "No, not the devil, LaCroix." "What then?" "You are my closest friend." The second man had handed the first a big walking stick. He then knelt and took the hand of a woman who was lying on the floor. "Damn you, Nicholas!" exclaimed the first man. He raised the stick above the kneeling figure. Then the picture changed to that of a building from the outside. And then a sunrise. All of the teletubbies were sad at the end of the video. They liked friends. And sunrises. "Again, again," said Tinky Winky. "Again, again," said Laa Laa. "Again, again," said Dipsy. "Again, again," said Po. Once again the image of the man showed up on Po's tummy. Then the image began to speak. Low, even tones. "And so in your eyes, I'm the devil?" The image changed to that of another man. This man stood to face the first. "No, not the devil, LaCroix." "What then?" "You are my closest friend." The second man had handed the first a big walking stick. He then knelt and took the hand of a woman who was lying on the floor. "Damn you, Nicholas!" exclaimed the first man. He raised the stick above the kneeling figure. Then the picture changed to that of a building from the outside. And then a sunrise. And then the video was done, again. "Time for tubby custard," said an adult voice. "Tubby 'tustard," said Tinky Winky, jumping up and down. He ran for the tubbydome. "Tubby 'tustard?" asked Dipsy. "Tubby 'tustard," confirmed Laa Laa, and she went running for the Tubbydome. "Tubby 'tustard," said Po, starting down the hill. "Tubby 'tustard," said Dipsy, following after the others. Eh-Oh, LaCroix (02/02) by S. Clark All of the tubbies went through the process of getting Tubby Custard from the Tubby Custard machine. First they pushed one button and the machine gave them a bowl. Then they pushed a second button several times and the machine filled the bowl up with the pink, gloppy tubby custard. Tinky Winky got tubby custard and went to sit at the table. Then Laa Laa got tubby custard and went to sit at the table. Then Dipsy got tubby custard and went to sit at the table. Then Po got tubby custard. But instead of going to the table Po walked over to the man she'd played with earlier. "Tubby 'tustard, tubby 'tustard," explained Po. LaCroix was again jostled from a fitful sleep. "Bully," he muttered. "Po share tubby 'tustard," said the little creature. "You may keep your tubby 'tustard," he spat out the term," to yourself. I assure you I do not indulge in such sustenance." "Po share tubby 'tustard," she repeated emphatically. The rest of the teletubbies brought their bowls of tubby custard over to where Po was talking with the strange creature. "Laa Laa share tubby 'tustard" She held out the bowl to LaCroix. He hissed at the yellow creature but she just repeated herself. "Laa Laa share tubby 'tustard." "Dipsy share tubby 'tustard." Another bowl of the foul goo was thrust towards his face. This time it was a pair of green hands. "Tinky Winky share tubby 'tustard." A fourth bowl appeared. This final (he hoped) creature was blue. "Go and play, children. Grow fat on your custard. I do not have use for you now," said LaCroix. The teletubbies were becoming bored with this game. They did want to play but this new person wasn't being fun. They placed their bowls of tubby 'tustard on the table and ran outside. LaCroix was awoken a short time later by all the creatures returning to the building. He tried to remain still hoping they would forget he was there. No such luck. Each of them came over to say good night. "Nigh nigh," said Laa Laa, who then skipped over to her bed. "Nigh nigh," said Dipsy, who then skipped over to his bed. "Nigh nigh," said Tinky Winky, who then skipped over to his bed. "Nigh nigh," said Po. She reached out and grabbed LaCroix in a suffocating hug. The sun was not down far enough for LaCroix to be mobile. He just had to suffer through the experience. "Nigh nigh vahm'pire." Then Po skipped over to her bed. It wasn't long before the sun had set. LaCroix could finally stretch and move about the structure. He wanted to be away as hastily as possible. Then one of the things popped up to a sitting position. "Boo!" shouted Po. Dipsy sat up in his bed. "Boo!" he shouted. Tinky Winky sat up in his bed. "Boo!" he shouted. Laa Laa sat up in her bed. "Boo!" she shouted. LaCroix allowed himself a slight grin. 'Perhaps a meal before travel seemed in order,' he thought. The next morning Po was the first to roll out of bed. "Don't go in the sunlight, Po," warned the voice. But Po loved the baby sun even though the light was hurting her eyes this morning. She ran for the sunbeam that was streaming through the closest window and was immediately ignited. Tinky Winky was the next to wake up. "Po?" he asked. He spotted a pile of ashes on the floor and ran over to investigate. "Don't go in the sunlight, Tinky Winky," warned the voice. Of course, he didn't listen. The combustion was almost instantaneous. He was, after all, very young. Laa Laa and Dipsy rolled out of their beds and looked at each other. They then saw the peculiar mess on the floor and wondered who had made it. "Don't go in the sunlight, Laa Laa," warned the voice She laughed, thinking this new game was very funny. "Don't go in the sunlight, Dipsy," warned the voice. He laughed, too. He liked new games. Laa Laa and Dipsy ran for the sunlight. Noo Noo the Hoover peeked out from his hiding spot behind the Tubby Custard machine. He saw the pile of ashes on the floor and went to do his duty. The next evening as LaCroix set out from his hotel for an evening stroll he happened to spy an interesting headline on the local newspaper. 'Strange Happenings at Site of Popular Children's Programme'. He glanced at the subheading, 'Hoover Held Under Suspicion.' LaCroix smiled and purchased a copy of the paper. Perhaps this vacation wouldn't be so bad after all.