From sclark@best.com Tue Jul 28 11:41:40 1998 Date: Sun, 12 Jul 1998 19:22:21 -0700 From: clark To: fkfanfic@merlin.darkmage.net Subject: Not Again Anyone who might in some way resemble a real person used with permission. (More aptly put...they made me do it!) Permission given to archive at fkfanfic website and the FTP site. No other permission is granted to repost/reprint/reuse. If you're interested drop me a line. As always, feedback is welcomed. This story is based primarily on characters and situations that aren't mine. Thanks to TPTB for their use. "Not Again" by S. Clark Nick opened up his bedroom door, and she was there. He looked into the bathroom mirror, she was there. He opened up the refrigerator and she was there, also. Everywhere he went she pursued him, followed him. And always with the same goal. "Smut?" She'd say, in a loud voice. And then she'd just continue getting louder. "Smut? Smut? Smut? Smut?" He was hoping, wishing, she was just a bad dream. When she called and had the pizza delivered he realized she must be real, or at least as real as he was. "How did you get in here?" he asked as she was finishing off another slice, the extra cheese hanging from her mouth. He wrinkled his nose as the stench of the garlic polluted the air of his kitchen. "The witah," she said, picking off the sausages and popping them into her mouth between bites. "The waiter?" he asked. "The man who delivered the pizza?" She took a swig from the 3 liter bottle of Diet Pepsi . "The writer. She keeps sending me back here." "The writer?" "Yeah, she sent the pizza, too. Thought I might be hungry." JodySue scanned her eyes across the pizza, searching for more sausages that had eluded capture. "I'm glad she didn't send no veggie pizza. I think she's one of those, you know..." "I know? I know what?" His rising frustration level was evident. "One of those," JodySue motioned him closer to her. "Vegetarians," she said, breathing a cloud of garlic breath into his face. Nick's eyes burned. He didn't care if it was daylight, he was just about ready to make a break from the loft. "If the writer sent you, can she get you out of here, too?" he asked. JodySue shrugged. "I guess so. But you wouldn't want to do that, would you?" "Actually..." he started. "No, that's not what you're supposed to say." JodySue pouted. "Excuse me?" "It's from 'Night in Question.' Natalie says, 'An apple a day keeps the coroner away,' then you respond, 'But I wouldn't want to do that, would I?'" JodySue crossed her arms. "You're not playing right." "What's this 'Night in Question?'" JodySue rolled her eyes. "It's when you get shot." Nick grinned. "I get shot a lot." JodySue sighed. "What now?" he asked. "That rhymed. It was like poetry, dropping from your mouth." She sighed again. Nick went to the phone. He punched a speed dial number. "Yeah," he said, "I've got another one." JodySue took the 3 liter bottle of Diet Pepsi and sat on the leather couch. "Oh Nicky," she crooned. "Don't you want to join me?" "I don' think that's a good idea," he said. "Maybe some other time." "Does that mean I can come back some other time?" she asked, still using the sing-song voice. Nick groaned. "No, it means 'No.' It's just a polite way of saying it." He was getting more frustrated. "I don't even want you here the first time." JodySue, ignoring what he was saying, grabbed the remote from the coffee table. "What does this button do?" Just as she was ready to push it Nick leaped over the couch, grabbing the remote from her hand. "Don't play with that," he warned. JodySue shrugged. "Silly me, I guess I could have done something foolish." Just then the lift opened and three men wearing black clothing entered the loft. Nick rushed to greet them. "I'm so glad you're here," he said, shaking the hand of each man. "She's there, on the couch." One of the men walked up to JodySue, pulled her off the couch and slung her over his shoulder. "Put me down, you brute," she said, weakly pounding on the man's back in protest of the treatment. "Nicky poo, save me!" Nick shrugged. "Sorry about this," he said. "But you left me no choice." The man carried JodySue into the lift. One of the other men walked up to Nick and presented him with an invoice. "I think we've got your little problem licked for a while," he said. "Just sign there at the bottom." Nick grabbed a pen and wrote his name in his old-fashioned handwriting. "I'm grateful you're able to do housecalls," he said. "It's worth the extra fee." The man nodded. "It's our pleasure. You have another infestation, just let us know. After all, we're the fanfic patrol, it's our job." The man handed Nick his pink copy of the invoice and left with the rest of his crew. If all went according to plan, it would be quite some time before JodySue could be written back into his loft. Nick sat back on the couch and let out a sigh. Just as he was able to feel relaxed, the phone rang causing him to jump. "Nicholas?" The voice was LaCroix's. Nick was in no mood for harassment from his master. "What?" "I have someone here. A blonde woman. A LisaSue." He spat out the name. "Why call me?" Nick asked, biting off the words. "I believe she's one of yours," LaCroix explained. In the background Nick could hear, "Smut? Smut? Smut? Smut?" in an ever increasing tone. Nick smiled. "Enjoy," he said, hanging up the phone. "At least it's one that's not here." note: This is the second story in I guess what I'd have to call a series. It follows a story entitled "JodySue Gets In The Way." If you need a copy of the first story, please let me know.