Subject: Clair de Lune (01/01) Date: Tue, 30 Mar 1999 19:49:35 PST From: "Catherine Devine" To: fkfic@fkvoyage.win.net This is the first story I'm posting to the list. It was inspired by the song, "If You Wear That Velvet Dress" by U2. I was listening to it the other day and reminded me of Nick and Janette, which made me think of the episode "Crazy Love". This story takes place after that episode, but before "Be My Valentine". Special thanks to my beta readers, Don the Godfather and Raven. These characters do not belong to me, and I promise I'll return them when I'm done. Comments are welcome, and can be sent to the address at the end of the story. Permission to archive on Mel's and the FTP sites, all others please ask. Clair de Lune c. 1998 By Catherine Devine *** tonight the moon is playing tricks again I'm feeling seasick again and the whole world could just dissolve...into a glass of water *** It was happening again, he could feel it. The need pulsing through his veins. The beast yearning to be free, straining against his already tenuous grip. He looked out of the window as the shutters opened. The bright light of the full moon streamed in, illuminating the room. *** I've been good 'cause I know you don't want me to do you really want me to be blue as you... it's her daylight that gets me through *** He picked up the wineglass and looked at its contents in disgust. It wasn't human blood, nor did it come from a cow; it was the synthetic blood that Natalie had insisted he drink. She would rather he drink her protein shakes, he reflected, but if he *had* to drink blood, this was her choice. But not only was it tasteless, it did even less to assuage his hunger than the cow blood did. As he thought of Natalie, he downed the contents of the glass and went for more. They had been growing closer lately, and it was affecting his control. But as close as they had become, she could never *truly* understand what he faced every day of this dark existence. In addition to his own internal struggles, there were Lacroix and Janette ever present in his mind, urging him to be true to his 'nature'. Natalie assumed that because he wanted to be mortal, that he no longer had the urges of a vampire. Her comments to him after they had arrested Barton and Dr. Welsh proved that. But he did have the urges, and sometimes it was so hard for him to control them. To constantly be around the mortals, the scent of their sweet blood always a distraction. The crime scenes that were sometimes covered in so much blood that it took every ounce of strength he had to exert control over the beast within him. *** we've been here before...Last time you scratched at my door the moon was naked and cold I was like a two year old who just wanted more if you wear that velvet dress if you wear that velvet dress tonight the moon has drawn its curtains it's a private show no one else going to know I'm wanting *** Janette would understand... He pushed that thought firmly away from him. The guilt he felt over using her to cope with his needs already loomed large before him. He couldn't do that again. It wasn't fair to Janette; she deserved better than that after the past they had shared. And it certainly wasn't fair to Natalie. He knew that she loved him, but it just wasn't safe for them to get involved. He couldn't allow any more of the Community's attention to fall on her. The Enforcer would take care of them both, but Lacroix would kill her, leaving Nick to live with the pain...and more guilt. He couldn't risk her life that way. She was the only person--mortal or vampire--he had trusted in a long time. He had to guard carefully not to pin all of his hopes on her. He knew from experience that it was too easy to fall into that trap. He wanted to avoid feeling angry and disappointed if Nat couldn't find the cure. She was trying her best, but he had to come to terms with the fact that she might not be able to find a cure. But more importantly, Natalie gave him hope. She made him feel more comfortable around mortals, made him feel more human. He had hope that even if he didn't achieve mortality in this 'lifetime', that it was actually a possibility. If he had to move on from this life, it would be the hardest thing he ever had to do. *** Sunlight, sunlight fills my room It's sharp and it's clear But nothing at all like the moon *** Nick looked down to discover his glass was empty again, and so were the two blood bags Natalie had left him. Last night's crime scene was horrible; it was a brutal murder blood and blood was everywhere. Schanke had made his usual joke when Nick moved to the edge of the scene in order to control himself. Thank God tonight was his night off. He couldn't tolerate another crime scene right now. A bottle of cow blood came out of the refrigerator. "Nicolas, Are you all right?" Janette's voice broke the silence. "Janette..." Nick's gaze took in the maroon velvet dress she wore; it was one of his favorites. He could see genuine concern in her blue eyes as she approached. "I came to be with you; I sensed you needed someone...to talk to. Someone who understands you?" She put her arm on his shoulder in a comforting gesture. Nick took her in his arms. "I do. Thank you, Janette." "I would do almost anything for you, Nicolas, you know that." She pulled his head down for a kiss. *** Tonight the moon has drawn its curtains It's a private show No one else going to know I'm wanting * Tonight the moon is a mirrorball Light flickers from across the hall Who'll catch the star when it falls *** The End Catherine Devine Comments welcome... menrva@hotmail.com Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com