Subject: Nine Margaritas (1/1) Date: Tue, 28 Mar 2000 09:00:11 -0800 From: "Tiffiney A. Petherbridge" Organization: ChickMail (http://www.chickmail.com:80) To: FKFIC-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU Ever write a story by accident? Don't think it's possible? Well it is. This little bit of fic is proof. It just sort of happened when I was writing another, less light-hearted story. You can guess the plot from the title, pretty much. Usual disclaimers apply. This can be archived at the FK Fanfic Site, the FTP site, and any Dark NatPack page. Oh, and I can't forget... PG-13 warning for language. ======================================================================== "Nine Margaritas" (1/1) or "How To Get A 2000-Year-Old Vampire To Bring You Across In Less Than Ten Drinks" by Evil Cousin Tiff March 2000 ======================================================================== LaCroix sat at the bar for over a half hour watching Natalie sit there and drink her margaritas. He decided it was time to go over and ask what business she had in the Raven tonight. Natalie downed the rest of her drink and then ordered another one. She gulped it and ordered another. It had been a very long time since LaCroix had seen any woman drink so heavily. In ten minutes time, Nat had had 3 margaritas. Seeing the good doctor drink like this disturbed even LaCroix. "Natalie, what are you doing?" he asked. "Trying to get drunk," Nat answered, her voice slurred from the amount of alcohol she had consumed. "What does it look like?" "It looks like you're succeeding. Why are you getting drunk?" "I'm building up nerve." "Alright, I'll bite. Why?" "Because I'm hoping you'll do that." "Excuse me." "I'm hoping you'll bite." LaCroix was still confused, Nat could tell by the look on his face. Nat continued, "LaCroix, you're Nick's master, you like being a vampire, and you're damn good looking." "All of that is true, yes." "Please forgive me for the comment about your looks, but with the amount of alcohol I've had tonight, even a old geezer like you is fine." LaCroix didn't quite know what to say. No one had ever had the nerve to call him an "old geezer" before. Well, not to his face, at least. He figured to take her term as a compliment, since the good doctor was not in a normal state of mind. "You didn't answer my question," LaCroix stated. Natalie put down her drink and looked at him. "I didn't?" "No, you didn't." "I'm sorry, I thought I did." Natalie took another sip of her drink. "Well, are you going to answer it?" LaCroix asked, almost impatiantly. Natalie turned to look at LaCroix again. "Oh! What was the question?" "What are you building up nerve to do?" "Oh. Oh, yeah. As soon as I get good and drunk, I'm going to ask you to bring me across." LaCroix was shocked at the request. This was very unlike the Dr. Lambert he was familiar with. "How many drinks have you had, doctor?" Natalie thought about it for a moment. "One... two... eight. Who's counting drinks? It's all going on my credit card anyway." Natalie downed the rest of her drink and turned to Miklos, who was maning the bar tonight. "Miklos, another Margarita, please." "No problem, Dr. Lambert," Miklos replied. "You know how I like it?" "On the rocks, no salt." "That's my drink!" Miklos started making her drink. LaCroix wasn't liking this new side of his son's doctor friend. If anything were to happen to her, Nick would surely blame him. Although, it wasn't like Nick didn't already blame him for everything else. Miklos handed Nat her drink. LaCroix, then discreetly told the bartender he was flagging the doctor. "I can't take it anymore," Natalie said, turning to LaCroix again. "Everytime I come in this club, all the vampies stare at me. None of them trusting me. Well, except for Nick and the bouncer. Do you know why the bouncer trusts me? Cause I don't." "Dr. Lambert," LaCroix started. "You want ME to bring you across?" "Yeah. I've asked Nick to do it... one... two..." she tried counting on her fingers, but found it to be too difficult a task. "I don't know. It was a bunch of times. He's always like 'oh, I'm evil and bad.' 'Oooh, I don't want to condemn you.' And I'm like, if I didn't think the pros outweighed the conseh-- conseh-- the bad stuff, I wouldn't ask him. So I figure LaCroix is big, evil, and lovin' his vampirey self, I'll ask him." LaCroix didn't quite know what to say. "Thank you, I think." "I want to be a vampire, dammit. I want to learn how to fly. And to whammy people. That has to be fun. Hypnojiggering people. Heheh. When some cop pulls me over, I could just say something like 'These are not the droids you're looking for,' and he'll bugger off." Nat laughed at the idea of comparing vampirism to the Force. LaCroix could tell that it was time to take Natalie to one of the backrooms before a mortal or and enforcer heard what she was saying. Nat, however, pressed on with explaining all the cool things she could do as a vampire. "Oh and what about that thing where someone turns away for a split-second and you disappear? You know like in 'Entrapment,' that movie with Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta-Jones. One second Ving Rhames is spying on Sean. Then, woosh! He's gone. Hey look there's Catherine standing on the train platform. Train goes by. Swish! Where'd Catherine go? Sean's wondering where Catherine went and woosh, he disappears, too... "Is Sean Connery still alive? He has to be like 100 by now, or something. Of course with the way they kept doing that neat disappearing thing like vampires, he could be a 100... "Oh, the disappearing thing is so cool. I'd kill to be able to do that." Now in a private room, LaCroix sat Natalie down. Nat didn't seem to notice, though. "I guess I would have to kill to do that. Cause that's what vampires do, right? They kill. You know what would stink? Other than the dead bodies, that is... Cause if you let them sit, peeew! That's one nasty stench..." Suddenly Nat realized she was no longer sitting at the bar. "Whoa! Where'd the bar go? Hey, did we just do that neat disappearing-in-a-split-second thing?" Somehow LaCroix didn't remember Natalie ever being this talkative. It *had* to be the alcohol effecting her. "Natalie," LaCroix interrupted, "lay down." Natalie said, "okay," and layed down. "Hey, this couch is compfy." LaCroix wanted to make absolutely sure this was what Natalie wanted. "Natalie, are you absolutely sure this is what you want?" "I said the couch was compfy, that doesn't mean I want to buy it." "No, I meant, do you want me to bring you across?" "Oh! Um... okay," She answered with a smile. That was it. She gave consent. LaCroix stood over top of her. His eyes began to glow yellowy-green and his fangs descended. The expression on Natalie's face changed, as well. LaCroix wasn't sure if it was fear, discust, anticipation, or what. "Um, LaCroix." Natalie said. "Yes?" "Where's the bathroom?" He pointed to a room on his right. "Why?" He asked. "Because I'm going to be sick!" Natalie got up as fast as she could and ran into the bathroom. At which point she slammed the door shut and began to hurl her preverbial guts out. "Damn," LaCroix thought, as he sat down on the couch Natalie was laying on. "I was so close." About 15 minutes and three days worth of semi-digested food later, Natalie came out of the bathroom, feeling ready to drink another margarita. "Feeling better?" LaCroix asked, still sitting on the couch. "Much," Natalie answered as she headed back to the bar. Her speech was no longer slurred to the point of gibberish. "Where are you going?" "Back to the bar." "Why? "I'm not nearly as drunk as I need to be to ask you to to bring me across anymore." LaCroix stood up and blocked Natalie from leaving. He was a little unclear on something and needed clarification. "So wait, you're sober now?" "More so than I was when I went into the bathroom." "And you still want to be brought across?" "Yes, why else would I drink so heavily? I can't bring myself to ask when I'm sober. So why not do it when I'm piss drunk?" Natalie explained. "I'll bring you across." "You will?" "Yes." "Oh. Cool." And so it came to pass on that faithful night, Natalie Lambert, medical examiner for the city of Toronto became a member of the undead community. She lived a long LONG fruitful unlife and will never forget how she got a 2000-year-old vampire to bring her across in less than ten drinks. ----- The End :) Okay, so that was pretty stupid. But HEY! it amused me, and isn't amusing the evil cousin all that really matters in life? 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