Date:         Mon, 9 Sep 1996 23:28:06 -0400
From: Debra Ann Fiorini <Guenvier@AOL.COM>

This is different than the fluff I usually post,
so I'm really interested in comments.

Dark Knighties and N&NPackers should like parts.

Disclaimer: As we all know, the Forever Knight characters are not mine. I'm
only playing with them and promise to put them back unharmed when I'm done.


Alterations  1/3
by Debra Ann Fiorini


        'I can't believe this' she thought, 'How could anyone expect this??
Sure the signs were there but no one was paying attention until it was too
late.' She found herself leaning against the cold, hard edge of the examining
table. Pulling away, she slowly walked over to the small desk in the corner
of the coroner's office and sat down. She had no interest in the assorted
papers there, she just wanted to think.

     'How can someone be busy packing and making plans and tell no one? Just
up and leave.' The thought was unfathomable. 'And how the hell was the one
left behind supposed to get on with life? What type of relationship did they
have anyway?' So many questions, so few answers. She rubbed her temples and
sighed.

     The sound of someone coming through the door caught her attention and
she scrambled to her feet.

     Grace put down the tray she was carrying,"What are you doing here,
Tracy?"

     "I wasn't touching anything personal...I just...I just wanted to think.
I thought we were all friends and it's rather hard to accept Nat could just
leave Nick like this without saying a word. I mean...I thought they loved
each other and now he's devastated without her. I'm going out of my mind
because I don't know how to help him, Grace. How could she just go away? And
what on earth do I say to make Nick stop hurting?"

     "I don't know," Grace shrugged. "I've been thinking about him too. He's
just so difficult to talk to sometimes. Maybe it's not my place to say it but
I just hope Nat made the right choice."

****

     Natalie read in a bridal magazine about whirlwind romances. The timeline
said if the meeting, dating, engagement, and marriage all took place within
six months, it was a whirlwind romance.  She sighed in relief. She could
correctly tell Aunt Mavis this was not one of them. She and Ryan had known
each other for seven months now and the engagement just became official. This
was only spring too and she was planning a summer wedding - probably August
when the days were longest. Fewer chances for uninvited nocturnal guests. As
soon as she thought that, she changed her mind. She just had to stop thinking
about the past. A September wedding would be better. August was too hot.

     By then she would also be more comfortable with her change in lifestyle.
Working in a new city, having a new home, getting married. She didn't want to
wait too long though; she didn't want to give herself too much time to change
her mind. Ryan was a great guy and she loved him. At least she thought she
did. It just felt weird going about things slowly for a change. Her
relationship with Ryan went from acquaintance to friendship to love in a
steady, uncomplicated procession. Much different than it had been with Nick.

     Her feelings for Nick had been instantaneous. Strong but confusing
emotions from the first night she met him when he woke from the dead on her
examining table. Things were no easier the second time they met. The slight
smile when he purposely passed her on the street one night, testing to see if
she still could recognize him.  It would have all been so easy if she had
just walked on pretending not to remember. But she couldn't do it. Those blue
eyes looking at her with such feeling, asking for compassion, that smile...

     Nat shook her head. 'That does it,' she thought, 'I have to forget him.
I have to go on with my life just like he was going to move on with his any
time now.'  She set her concentration on unpacking. Sydney wrapped himself
around her legs looking for comfort. He wasn't quite settled in the new
apartment yet.

     Suddenly she stopped. The blouse she had just removed from the suitcase
dropped from her hands to the bed. "I didn't make a mistake, did I, Sydney?"
The tears forming in her eyes stung and she quickly wiped them away. "The
treatments weren't working, so he was just going to leave one of these days,
wasn't he? I'm only speeding up destiny by being the first to go, aren't I?
Or did I just make a complete mess of everything?" The only answer was
Sydney's gentle purrs, but these were drowned out in a moment by the sound of
Natalie crying.
****

     LaCroix fingered a goblet of blood and smiled to himself. From his seat
at the end of the bar, he could see everyone and everything in the room. Even
those patrons who crossed behind him were still visible as their reflections
bobbed and swayed in the mirror hanging to his left. He so loved to watch
them. It always amused him to see vampires and mortals alike glance in his
direction and then quickly avert their eyes. He knew his power and strength
awed them. It was quite an enjoyable feeling.

     In intermittent bursts, he was also feeling something else. Waves of
deep sorrow, confusion, and emotional pain coming from his wayward child,
Nicolas.  With relief, he could tell Nicolas was not physically hurt, but
very upset. LaCroix knew it was only a matter of time before his son sought
him out. And to LaCroix, that was a very good thing.


Continued in part 2

Alterations 2/4
by Debra Ann Fiorini


     Nick entered the Raven looking like something the cat dragged in. He
made no ceremony about being there to see LaCroix and he didn't argue when
the glass of blood, pre-ordered by his master, was placed on the bar before
him.

     "To what do I owe this pleasure?"  LaCroix took a sip from his glass,
savored it, and then swallowed slowly and deliberately.

     "She's gone." Nick's voice was shaky.

     "Of whom are you speaking?"

     "You know very well who I mean. Natalie! I've lost her."

     "Ah! I see you've come to your senses. Finally using a mortal for what
she's good for."

     "No, LaCroix! I did not kill her. She's gone because she left me. She
met someone else."

     "Oh," LaCroix nodded slowly. "So she's the one who's come to her
senses."

     "Is this supposed to make me feel better?"

     "No. Nothing will."

     They spent the rest of the night drinking in silence.

****

     An intern from the coroner's office had been the one to break the news.
Natalie knew if she had gone to face him herself, she would have broken down
with one look into those beautiful blue eyes - she could drown in those blue
eyes.  It had been hard enough to tell Grace. That was why Nick got a letter.
A letter that took five sleepless days to write.

     She left the letter in the intern's in-box with a note attached to
please deliver to Detective Nick Knight, Metro Homicide, Precinct 96. She
chose someone who wouldn't be on duty until Tuesday night. That made it
easier since she and Ryan headed out of town on Monday.

     The intern had never met Nick before and identified him by the nameplate
on his desk.

     "What's that?" Tracy looked up from her paperwork, curious about her
partner's personal delivery.

     "Don't know," Nick shrugged and started reading. About half-way down the
first page, his expression changed drastically. By the time he finished the
second page, he was already on his feet. In a few seconds, he threw down
Natalie's letter and took off running.

     Tracy reached over and grabbed it off his desk. She perused a few choice
lines before taking off, in a run, after Nick. She heard herself saying,
"Nick, I'm so sorry" even though she knew he was too far ahead to hear her.

****

     "Where is Natalie?" Nick had taken Grace by the arms and forced her to
look into his eyes. She felt as if her brain had just been placed on
automatic pilot and she was answering whatever he asked without thinking.

     "Gone. She resigned."

     "When did she leave? Where did she go?"

     "Yesterday morning. I don't know where. She said she would write and let
me know once she settled in."

     "Who is the jerk she's with?" Nick struggled to keep the beast within
him at bay even though his anger was peaking.

     "Ryan Whitcomb. Her fiance."

     "How long has she known him?"

     "Seven months." Grace surprised herself to know all the answers.

      "How did they find the time to see each other?" The question was
rhetorical but Grace knew the answer anyway.

     "They went out during the day. He's an architect. Just took a job out of
town. He and Nat have mutual friends."

     When Nick gazed away for a moment, he broke the trance he had over
Grace. "Hey," she struggled against his vise-like grip on her arms, "Nick,
you're hurting me!"

     Nick paid no attention until Tracy stepped in to help. "Let her go Nick,
it's not her fault."

     When freed from his grasp, Grace took a step backwards. She never
realized he was so strong. "Stronger than he looks," she remarked to Tracy.

     By then Nick had already turned and left. "Tell him I'm sorry." Grace
called out to his partner.

     Tracy nodded and said she would.

****

     Tracy had tried to make him feel better but things were more a mystery
to her than they were to Nick. She had always thought Nick and Nat made a
cute couple. After all she only saw them as two completely normal people with
no secrets to hide, no curses to overcome, and no reason to give up on each
other.

     It was half in desperation and half in need of being with someone who
could understand his feelings that Nick started spending all his free time at
the Raven.

     LaCroix was always waiting for him. It was just like old times.

     "I know you know how I'm feeling right now." Nick spoke suddenly one
night. For a few minutes afterwards, a tense silence hung between him and
LaCroix.

     Then LaCroix spoke, images of what Nick was remembering flooding his
mind. "Are you referring to your sister and myself?"  The words had slipped
out with a tinge of anger LaCroix had not meant to convey.

     "Yes."

     "What's the connection between that old wound and your present
situation?"

     "True love."

     Again they were both silent for several minutes.

     "So, you feel you truly love this woman? Yes, but do you love her or her
mortality?"

     "I love her."

     "And you are no longer afraid to admit this to me?"

     "No. If you were going to do anything to her, you already would have.
You know I was lying that night at the Azure, but you couldn't take her from
me. You still can't. You will either take your revenge on me, which is
something I no longer care about, or you will help me."

     "Help you?" LaCroix smiled and shook his head, "Don't be silly, Nicolas.
After all, this is where Dr. Lambert wants you to be - right here with me."

     "What??"

     "She has come to show herself to be quite a remarkable woman actually.
Although I would never admit it directly to her." LaCroix grinned slightly.
 "First, despite her silly dalliances with your ridiculous quest of sorts,
she helped the Community when it needed her.  Then she sends you back to me.
She left you, Nicolas, because she undoubtably knows your search for
mortality is all a mistake and she has come to realize mortals and vampires
need to stick to their own kind for companionship."

     LaCroix took another sip from his glass and continued, " She also knew
most certainly that leaving you would send you back to the Community...and to
me. I like the way she thinks, but I am in no way interested in re-involving
you with the good doctor."

     Satisfied he had made his point, LaCroix moved quickly from the bar to
the Raven's backroom. It was not his intention for Nick to follow him, yet
neither was he surprised when Nick did.

     "I can no longer deny what I feel for her," Nick admitted. "I did deny
it for the last six years in order to protect her and it has cost me my one
true love. You know what that feels like, LaCroix. I've come to realize that
now. I refuse to make another mistake. I am going to look for her and you
will help me."

     LaCroix turned to face him. "Why are you so sure I will help you?"

     "Because I know you won't let me make the same mistake you did." Nick
paused, his eyes catching LaCroix' gaze. "Please don't let me make the same
mistake you did...Father."

     Nick stepped forward and gingerly embraced LaCroix. For LaCroix, it had
been a long time since he had such fidelity from his son.

 "You do know what this means if she agrees to return to you?" LaCroix asked.


     "Yes. And I want you to do it."

     Stunned, LaCroix embraced the long-lost son who had so newly returned to
him as he anticipated welcoming his soon-to-be new daughter, one Dr. Natalie
Lambert."


Continued in part 3.

Beginnings 3/4
by Debra Ann Fiorini


     Now that Nick had LaCroix to help him, all he had to do was wait. Grace
had said Natalie was planning to write with her new location.  He tried to
pass the time at work but after two nights of being more miserable than usual
to Tracy, Nick decided it would be best to book off for a while. His time
alone didn't proceed much better. In fact, things started getting worse early
in the evening.

     Nick stared at the broken mess before him. His CD player and one of his
favourite disks lay in pieces.  At least money was so insignificant to him
that replacing the items was actually something he would look forward to
doing. Getting out and going shopping some night would get his mind off
Natalie.  Of course, that was what listening to the music was supposed to do
and it had failed miserably.

     It was a cool, quiet night.  He would have asked Nat over if things were
still as they used to be.  It wasn't as though he wasn't used to being alone.
 There had been times through the centuries when LaCroix had not always been
with him and he had found himself friendless and lonely.  This was worse.  At
least back then he didn't know what he was missing.  Now he knew and the
waiting was killing him inside.  Wondering where Nat was and if she was okay
was the only consistent thing on his mind.

     He had put Elton John's "Made in England" CD on in hopes of hearing
something lighthearted but the mood didn't last long. When track 6 came on,
something inside of him snapped.  The refrain had hit a little too close of
home.  Even after he had taken out his anger and frustration on the machine,
the words still reverberated through his head:  "I don't love you is like a
stake being driven through my heart - "  He was convinced that was what Nat
had done to him - told him she never loved him the way he had always taken
for granted that she did and it hurt more than any stake.

     He missed Natalie so much that every little thing was bothering him.
 Everything reminded him of her.  He wondered if she felt the same.  No, he
decided, she could never have felt for him the way he feels now for her or
else she would never have left him.  The song had continued, "But I'll come
back for you..." and for many days, he actually thought she would do just
that - come back to him.  When she didn't, something inside said it was
better to just let go.

     That's what he had been thinking a few hours earlier at the Raven. He
wasn't sure if he had spoke out loud or if LaCroix was reading his thoughts
again but LaCroix had answered him nonetheless.

     "Don't let go, Nicolas. If you do, you'll be just as sorry as I was the
time I walked away from the one I loved.  It's something I would never do
again.  Not even for you."

***

    A week after settling in, Natalie caught up on her overdue
correspondence.  There were several friends who didn't even know she had
moved.  One of the overdue letters went to Grace, as promised.

     Nick made a stop at the Coroner's Office every night.  Ironically, he as
stopping there more often now Natalie was gone than when she was still in
town.

     Tracy couldn't help but notice how Nick did everything in his power to
avoid the new coroner.  Nick made plenty of excuses, saying he didn't need to
become friendly with the temporary guy. Yet, Tracy knew the truth.  He was
unable to deal with someone else in Natalie's place.  The only reason he was
going there at all was to interrogate Grace on a nightly basis.  Tracy tried
to make excuses for him, but Grace said she didn't mind.

     On the twelfth night, Grace was waiting for him.  "I received a letter
this morning," she greeted him.  "I shouldn't be giving this to you but I
have a feeling you'd get it out of me anyway."

     Sometimes Nick wondered just how much Grace really knew about him.  Her
half-joking observations hit too close to the truth at times, yet Nick
couldn't be bothered to speculate tonight. Seeing Grace's letter hit him
hard. he could no longer pretend it was all a mistake.  Nat had really left
for good.  He never felt so angry with her before.  It was now undeniable he
did truly love her.

     With Nat's new address in hand, he went to LaCroix immediately after
work. Nick wondered how Nat would feel when she learned he and LaCroix had
renewed old ties. He decided it didn't matter what she thought about that. If
she could abandon him for a stranger she knew less than a year, he could
welcome his master of 768 years back into his life.

****

     Lipstick, gum, old ID, more gum, tissues, a pen... Nat combed through
her purse one more time. Her apartment key somehow managed to disassociate
itself from her broken keyring and, as fate would have it, travel to the
lowest depths of her overpacked purse. The car behind her blew its horn to
less than politely let her know the traffic light had turned from red to
green. Nat moved on and resumed the search for her key at the next traffic
light.

     Ryan had to work late, but it was just as well. She had gotten so caught
up at the mall buying little things for the wedding that she had just grabbed
a snack there and would cook dinner for them both later.

     At the next light, she found the key and looked up just in time to see
the light change. Mr. In-a-Hurry in the car behind her was happy she noticed
this time. He was more happy when he realized she was turning at the next
corner and he was going straight. "If he ever goes to Toronto, he'd better
not get stuck behind Nick knowing how Nick drives," she thought out loud. Her
smile only lasted a second and she shook her head to clear out those thoughts
as she turned the last corner and entered her apartment building's parking
lot.

     And there it was. In the spot next to hers. Unmistakable. Nat's heart
dropped into her stomach the second she saw it. Feelings of fear and
excitement simultaneously swept through her entire body as soon as her eyes
rested on the aquamarine '62 Caddy parked in front of her. It had been dark
for several hours and she wondered how long he had been waiting - but waiting
in friendship or waiting in anger - that she couldn't guess and the thought
scared her.

     She considered turning the car around and leaving. No, she decided. that
wouldn't solve anything. Nick would only find her again. Or else he'd still
be waiting when she did come home. Of course, Ryan might get home first and
find Nick waiting. She didn't want to think about it. She would have to face
him eventually and it was best to get it over now. Anyway, how would she
explain Nick to Ryan - "Honey, this is Nick, a vampire from my past?' She
hardly thought so.

     Her knees were shaking like crazy and she dropped her keys three times
on her way to the apartment door.

     The lights were all off when she entered and tossed her bags to the side
of the front door. 'Of course, he doesn't need light to see', she thought.
But she did. She entered the darkened living room and flipped on the light
switch. And even as prepared as she was for this confrontation, Nat still
jumped slightly when she saw him.

     He had been sitting in a chair turned to face the living room entrance.
Head down, hands draped calmly in his lap, his blond hair a sharp contrast to
an entirely black outfit.  As she slowly entered, Nick lifted his head to
face her and she found herself staring into those incredible blue eyes.  She
couldn't ignore the feeling her heart made whenever she was in his presence
and she wondered if he could sense the skip in her heartbeat.

     "Nick-" Shocked, her own voice sounded funny.

     "You didn't even say good-bye." His voice was so strong... and so
different, so angry.  She couldn't answer right away."

     "I thought..."

     "You didn't think."

     For a moment, Nat was angry too.  "I have a new life here now. You have
no right to just walk in on me."

     "Yet you, my dear doctor, feel you have the right to just walk out on
him."  Natalie stiffened upon hearing that unmistakable voice coming from
behind her.  She turned to find him sitting in the farthest corner of her
living room, at one with the darkness, LaCroix.

     Nat took an involuntary step back. "You brought LaCroix into my home?"

     "Why wouldn't I?" Nick shook his head as if he didn't understand the
question.  "He is my master.  I could hardly refuse him."

     "That's a change in attitude."

     "Many things have changed it would seem."

    The full realization that she was alone with two vampires suddenly sunk
in.  Nick looked healthy.  She knew he had been feeding well.  She expected
he would be once she left him on his own.

     "All my years of work..."

     "Were ended the day you left me."

     "Not a bad thing actually" LaCroix interjected. "Your departure has
helped Nicolas to re-embrace his true nature.  I am most pleased.  Now that
he has stopped being ashamed of who he is, he has found a new annoying
habit."

     "Which is?"  Natalie heard herself answer. She had backed into a corner
and had little choice to do anything else.

     "He is intent on winning back your love."


Continued in part 4.

Alterations  4/4
Debra Ann Fiorini
Copyright 1996.


     "Tell me what went wrong." Nick spoke it like an order. "Tell me why you
left without a word?"

     "Nick, I wanted to make an easy break. I thought it would be best."

     "We could have talked. You made me believe you cared and then you were
gone and I shouldn't question why?"

     "I do care, but you need to understand, I wanted to seize a chance to
live, Nick! I wanted to experience life and love before I died. You'll be
around forever but I won't and it was impossible waiting for you. Until now,
I never even really knew you loved me. That is if LaCroix is to be believed."

     LaCroix grimaced but said nothing.  He knew it was Nick's place to talk.

     "I wanted to hear it from you.  You wanted to hear it from me and this
is where we wind up." Nick pointed around Nat's new home.

    Natalie slowly shook her head.  "I wanted to be with you forever, yet you
didn't seem to feel the same way."

     Nick rose from his chair and crossed over to where Nat was standing.  He
entwined his arms around her and she shut her eyes, relishing his touch.  It
was one she thought she would never feel again.

     Nick nuzzled his face against her hair.  When he spoke now, his voice
was free of the bitter tone it had only moments earlier.

     "If you wanted to be with me forever, why didn't you say it?"

     "I asked once before, when the asteroid was coming, to become like you
so we could spend eternity together and you refused me my wish."

     Out of the corner of her eye, Nat could see the surprise register on
LaCroix' face.  His stare moved quickly from her to Nick.

     "At that time, your request was generated by fear, not love.  You
thought you were going to die. I saved you from a mistake."

     "It wouldn't have been a mistake."  To admit her deepest, darkest
feelings was a liberating catharsis for Natalie.  Suddenly, she couldn't hold
back the tears any longer.

     Nick held her tightly against him as she cried.  She hoped he would
never let go.

    "Do you still feel the same way?" Nick's voice was something of a caress.

    "Yes. I've been so wrong, Nick. I want to tell you now once and for all,
and I don't care what LaCroix does to me for it, but I love you, Nick.  I
love you."

     "Natalie," Nick stepped back and looked into her face.  "LaCroix is
going to help us."

     "How?"

     "We want you to join us."

     Nat glanced at the master vampire, then back at Nick. "He'll let you
bring me ... bring me across?"  For a moment, the words stuck in her throat.

     "Well," Nick smiled, "not exactly..."

     Before she could ask what he meant, Nick was kissing her.  With his left
hand supporting her, he reached his right hand around to brush her hair away
and expose her vulnerable neck from behind.

     She jumped slightly when she felt LaCroix suddenly behind her, touching
her.

     Nick never stopped holding her, supporting her, even though he broke
their kiss just as she felt LaCroix press his fangs into her neck.

****

     "My father makes a better master than I," Nick explained. "My track
record has been, shall we say, rather lousy."

     "So I heard."

     "Although all the time you two spend together is making me suspicious. I
do hope you talk about more than just me."  Nick pretended to be offended.

    "Of course," Natalie giggled. "Of course we do. It is rather good
however, that I have come to understand LaCroix. He is a remarkable
individual.  More than I ever realized before I joined the Community. I think
the three of us will make a wonderful family indeed."

     "That's the second best thing I've heard all week.'

     "Really? What was the first?"

     "That the protein shakes have gone the way of the dinosaur."

     "Very funny," she laughed.

     "They have, haven't they?  Right? Right?"

****
     Natalie felt truly lucky to get her old job back. The party they threw
for her when she returned brought tears to her eyes. Red tears though. She
was careful not to let them show.  She declined her favourite German
chocolate cake by claiming to be too emotionally overwhelmed to eat. Everyone
understood.  Grace just smiled and nodded.

     Tracy made it a point to tell Natalie how much Nick's personality had
taken a turn for the better since she returned to him.

     "So what did he say to make you change your mind?" Tracy asked.

     "Well, Trace, let's just say he swept me off my feet.  He decided to
break down the barriers and finally let me in."

****

     Nat spent her days taking lessons from LaCroix. He was a good teacher
most of the time.

     "So are you pleased with your decision?"  Coming from LaCroix, the
question was a surprise.

     "Yes. It's especially wonderful to feel so loved by both you and Nick.
It's hard to get him to say it though. He'll say he cares, but 'I love you'
seems to stick in his throat. After all these centuries, he's still afraid of
his own feelings."

     "Don't fret, Natalie dear. He never would have gone after you if he did
not truly love you."

     "I know,"

     "Although you may need to spend all eternity with him before those words
get past his lips. True, you are his wife now, but I don't recall him saying
it to Alyssa either."

     "Alyssa who?" Natalie's eyes were tinged with gold almost immediately.
 Try as she did, she was still too young a vampire to control herself when
angry.

    "Oh, I'm sorry Natalie. I thought he would have told you about his first
wife."

     "His first what?! His first what?! Nick! Nick !!!"

     LaCroix watched her departure with a smile. 'This is going to be good'
he thought. Sure his revelation to Natalie, pitting her against Nicolas, was
a nasty thing to do, but LaCroix so loved playing with his children.  He
finished his drink and, with a chuckle, took to the air after her.


Finis.


Comments (hopefully nice), criticism (hopefully gentle) to: Guenvier@aol.com


Debra Ann
Dark Knightie / N&NPacker