FKFIC-L WAR Drinking Game by Perri Smith with contributions from Abby Albrecht, Amparo Bertram, and Cath Boone Since you have to be drunk most of the time to get through a war anyway, here's a helpful guide to achieving that condition. M&M's and peanut butter cups can be substituted for alcohol -- Amaretto and Jim Bean/Bushmills are recommended. ------------------------------------------------------------ 1. ATTACKS o Any character is attacked -- 1 drink o Nick is attacked and it involves bricks -- 2 drinks o Nick is attacked and it involves his underwear and/or PJ's -- 3 drinks o Nick is attacked and it involves the loft -- 4 drinks o Nick is attacked and it involves none of the above -- chug o LaCroix is attacked and it involves CERK -- 2 drinks o LaCroix is attacked and it involves garlic -- 3 drinks o LaCroix is attacked and it involves cows -- 4 drinks o LaCroix is attacked and it involves a thong -- chug like your life depends on it. If you can't remember the scene, he might not kill you later. o Vachon is attacked and it involves cows -- 1 drink o Vachon is attacked and it involves his hair -- 2 drinks o Vachon is attacked and it involves his guitar -- 3 drinks o Vachon is attacked and it involves his motorcycle -- 4 drinks o Vachon is attacked by a Vaquera -- chug o The Raven gets redecorated -- 1 drink o The church gets redecorated -- 2 drinks o The loft gets redecorated -- 3 drinks o CERK's signal get hijacked -- 4 drinks o Any of the above involve cows and/or Barney -- chug o The Lurkers attack anyone -- chug. You'll need it. The characters certainly will. o Any faction is attacked -- 1 sip o Any individual is attacked -- 2 sips o Anyone's apartment is attacked -- 1 drink o Anyone's clothes are attacked -- 2 drinks o Anyone's computer is attacked -- 3 drinks o Anyone's pet is attacked -- 4 drinks (5 if it's Sydney) o Any of the above involve Barney -- chug o A car is attacked -- 1 drink o It's not the Caddie -- 2 drinks o It is the Caddie, but Susan Garrett didn't do it -- 3 drinks o The car blows up -- 4 drinks o It was the Caddie -- chug o Anyone is attacked and it involves drugs -- 1 drink o It involves bodypaint -- 2 drinks o It involves fish -- 3 drinks o It involves Duncan Macleod or Highlander -- 4 drinks o Duncan Macleod actually shows up -- chug o Walter Skinner actually shows up -- drop the bottle and run for the door o Anyone videotapes an attack -- 1 drink o Said videotape is copied more than once -- 2 drinks o By the faction that was attacked -- 3 drinks o All copies of said videotape is thought to be destroyed by the end of the war -- 4 drinks o Said videotape is actually destroyed -- chug 2. FLASHBACKS o A listmember has a flashback -- 1 drink o Nick has a flashback -- 2 drinks o Any other vampire has a flashback -- 3 drinks o The other vampire is LaCroix -- 4 drinks o LaCroix has a flashback and it's not humiliating -- chug 3. FACTIONS o A NatPacker threatens physical injury to Nick -- 1 drink o It's not Sharon Himmemen -- 2 drinks o The NatPack attacks themselves -- 1 drink o The NatPack attacks anyone else -- 2 drinks o Anyone else attacks the NatPack -- 3 drinks o An attack on anyone uses drugs and is not performed by the NatPack -- 4 drinks o The NatPack winds up in the hospital due to drug overdoses -- chug o The Knighties puppy-pile Nick -- 1 drink o Cath Boone and/or Perri Smith yell at Nick -- 2 drinks o Scottie falls at Nick's feet -- 3 drinks o Sandra Grey falls at Nick's feet - 4 drinks o Sandra falls at LaCroix's feet -- chug, since she obviously has. o A Knightie is kidnapped - 1 drink o The Knighties retaliate with Nick's help -- 2 drinks o The Knighties retaliate without Nick's help -- 3 drinks o The Knighties retaliate against Nick's orders -- 4 drinks o The Knighties attack with no provocation whatsoever -- chug o Someone hires a Merc -- 1 drink o The payment is chocolate -- 2 drinks o The payment is episode tapes -- 3 drinks o The payment is clothes -- 4 drinks o A Merc reveals who hired him/her -- chug, then go rat on them to the Poobah o The Ravenettes go shopping -- 1 drink (2 if any involved parties are male) o The Ravenettes throw a party -- 2 drinks o A Ravenette cowers in fear of Janette -- 3 drinks o A Ravenette laughs at, smart-mouths or otherwise annoys Janette -- 4 drinks o It's not LJC -- chug o The Cousins are attacked -- 1 sip o The Cousins retaliate all out of proportion -- 2 sips o The Cousins cower in fear of LaCroix -- 1 sip o The Cousins attack for no reason -- 1 drink o A Cousin gets called on the carpet by LaCroix --2 drinks o The Cousins are forced to take over CERK -- 3 drinks o The Cousins are attacked for absolutely no reason -- 4 drinks o The Cousins attack LaCroix for absolutely no reason -- chug. Then run. Kudos if you make it through the door without running into it. [the lewd version: o The Cousins strip LaCroix down for whatever reason -- chug, because so far this game is being written by Knighties, not Cousins] o Anyone writes Screed in Clockwork Orange-speak -- 1 drink o Anyone has to ask for help writing Clockwork Orange-speak -- 2 drinks o The Nick&NatPack attack the Immortal Beloveds -- 1 drink o The Immortal Beloveds respond -- 2 drinks o The Die-Hards give sanctuary to anyone -- 1 drink o A faction is mistakenly attributed to an Unaffiliated -- 1 drink o Said Unaffiliated allows the offender to live -- 2 drinks o Someone defects to the Knighties -- 1 drink o Someone defects to the Cousins -- 2 drinks o Someone defects to the Mercs -- 3 drinks o Someone defects to the NatPack - 4 drinks o A defector is attacked by one or more factions in revenge -- take yourself and your drink to cover, then chug o Nick denies responsibility for his faction -- 1 drink o Natalie is ignored by her faction -- 1 drink o Janette is amused by her faction --1 drink o Lacroix threatens his faction -- 1 drink o Vachon hides from his faction -- 1 drink 4. LIFE AFTER DEATH [Warning: you can get seriously blitzed in this section during War 6] o Someone sees the ghost of Schanke -- 1 drink o Someone sees the ghost of Cohen -- 2 drinks o Someone sees the ghost of Schankelvis -- 3 drinks o It's not a lurker -- chug o A character gets resurrected -- 1 drink 2 if it's Vachon 3 if it's Screed or Urs 4 if it's Tracy chug if it's Divia o Anyone attempts to bribe the Warmistress to resurrect a character -- 1 drink o They succeed -- 2 drinks o Anyone comments on how many characters are getting resurrected -- 3 drinks o Anyone complains how many characters have died -- everyone drinks in sympathy, then calls Jim Parriott. 5. BEHIND THE SCENES o Anyone leaves the WAR: header off their post -- 1 drink o Anyone sends a post to FORKNI-L by accident -- 2 drinks o Anyone leaves the date and time off their post -- 3 drinks o The timeline keeper attempts to murder them -- 4 drinks o The Warmistress decides to let her -- chug o The editor wishes that she could hurt a few people herself -- 2 drinks o A post drops after the official War ends -- 1 drink o A post drops more than 12 hours after the War ends -- 2 drinks o There is no apology -- 3 drinks o Anyone posts before the War begins -- 1 drink o The list is held - 1 drink o The list is held on the first day of the war -- 2 drinks o Someone's account crashes during the war -- 3 drinks o A faction leader's account crashes during the war -- 4 drinks o It's an AOL account -- chug and sit around bashing Steve Case o The list is held during a cease-fire -- a drink for each listowner o The list is held after the War ends -- a drink for each listmember o The leader loop is larger than any faction loop -- 1 drink o The leader loop doesn't come up with a 'plot' until two days before the war ends -- 2 drinks o The leader loop winds up tracking three+ simultaneous plots -- 3 drinks o The leader loop commits mass murder and/or suicide-- 4 drinks o Everyone survives -- chug. You've earned it. o The leader loop is completely sober at any given moment during the war -- chug, man, chug! You're falling behind! 6. MISCELLENEOUS o Anyone sings karaoke -- 1 drink o Anyone sings and it's from 'Phantom of the Opera' -- 2 drinks o Anyone sings Phantom without benefit of karaoke -- 3 drinks o Anyone sings 'Phatom without benefit of drugs -- 4 drinks o It's not a NatPacker -- chug o Any one refers to 'The Guy' -- 1 drink o Anyone refers to 'The Old Guy' -- 2 drinks o Anyone refers to the 'Really Old Guy' -- 3 drinks o Anyone asks who any of the above are -- 4 drinks o The Guy or the ROG make guest appearances -- chug. Then go pick up the people who fainted and/or slipped in the puddles o Anyone drools over Nick -- 1 drink o Anyone drools over Vachon -- 2 drinks o Anyone drools over Miklos -- 3 drinks o Susan Garrett is forced to use a Supersoaker on droolers -- 4 drinks o Anyone drools over Tracy or Screed -- chug o Anyone gets whammied -- 1 drink o It's a vampire -- 2 drinks o A vampire feeds on a listmember -- 1 drink o Said listmember is brought across -- 2 drinks o The Warmistress stakes the new vampire for flagrant rule violations -- o 3 drinks o Anyone is whammied into thinking she's Janette -- 1 drink o It's not Amy Hull -- 2 drinks o It's not a NatPacker at all -- 3 drinks o Anyone knows something they couldn't possibly know -- 1 drink o Someone else points this out -- 2 drinks o Anyone mentions the Abarat -- 1 drink o Anyone finds the Abarat -- 2 drinks o It really is the Abarat -- 3 drinks o It survives to the end of the war -- chug o Anyone is watching videos -- 1 drink o The videos are FK episodes -- 2 drinks o 'Only the Lonely' is not mentioned -- 3 drinks o The video is 'The Boys from Syracuse' or 'Legends of the Fall' -- 4 drinks o The video watchers are throwing socks -- chug and duck, aim tends to be pretty bad o A mountie shows up -- 1 drink o Someone drools over said mountie -- 2 drinks o The mountie is Benton Fraser -- 3 drinks and get out of the way o Anyone gets sick during a war -- 1 drink o Anyone spends more than half the war in a virtual coma -- 2 drinks o It's not Diane E -- 3 drinks o Anyone refers to Tracy as 'a good cop' -- 1 drink o Anyone throws a party at the Raven -- 1 drink o Any major events are held outside of Toronto -- 2 drinks o Any fanfic character shows up in the war -- 1 drink o It's not Dorian -- 2 drinks o Anyone breaks into any of Nick's bank accounts -- 1 drink o The Raven changes ownership -- 2 drinks o The new owner is not a Ravenette or a Cousin -- 3 drinks o A meeting is held in the Happy Souvlaki Deli -- 1 drink o Anyone refers to the Cult of Skinner -- 1 drink o It's not a NatPacker -- 2 drinks o Anyone kidnaps a stuffed animal -- 1 drink o It's not a NatMare -- 2 drinks o Anyone uses a Convenient Plot Device -- 1 drink o Anyone admits to using a CPD -- 2 drinks o Anyone mentions a quote list -- 1 drink o Anything you write makes the quote list -- 2 drinks o You are the quote list -- 3 drinks