Subject: Confessions of a Vampire (1/2) Date: Tue, 26 Aug 2003 07:37:29 -0700 From: April French To: FKFIC-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU Confessions of a Vampire--a Forever Knight story By April French Characters: Nick, Nat Author's Note: A pre-first season story. And yes, his hair was sort of spiky during the first season. N&N ain't mine, more's the pity. Praise, comments, etc, etc, are greatly loved and carefully noted. All nasty flames will be audited. This story will be archived with all the others at http://www.geocities.com/runeshard/fkficindex.html. Permission to archive is given to the FTP site. All others wishing to archive must first bribe me with tickets to Phantom on Broadway. ::prays very hard:: ~~~ Confessions of a Vampire (1/1) Toronto: 1990 Natalie Lambert stepped off the elevator and gaped shamelessly. "You live here?" she asked, disbelief written all over her face. The tall blond vampire--Nick, he had told her his name was, Nick Knight--grinned at her. "I like my creature comforts," he admitted cheerfully. "Can I take your coat?" He watched, amused but a little nervous, as the young pathologist made her way slowly around the 'living room' of his loft, trailing her fingers lightly over the keys of his grand piano, eyeing the cactus by the window dubiously, and examining the corner he had set up as an art studio. "You play the piano?" Nick nodded. "And paint?" "Yeah," he said. "Well, you know, eight hundred years... couldn't spend them all in bars." "Eight hundred years?" Natalie repeated, eyes wide with rabid professional curiosity. "You're kidding." "Nope." "Tell me." A kind of shutter went down behind Nick's eyes. "You want something to drink?" he asked, going into the kitchen. "All I've got is tap water, but there's ice for it." He forced his hands not to shake as he ran the tap. She had said she would try and help him. God knew--if He was still listening--how many times Nick had heard that song-and-dance before. So many times before, he had thought he had been on the very brink of regaining his mortality, his breath and the sun. And more than once, his master had snatched his slender chance away from him. Was it wise for Nick to try again? If his master tracked him down, he was risking Natalie's life as well as his chance to be mortal. He brought her water to her in the far end of the 'living room,' by the fireplace, where she was admiring the carved wooden dragon on the mantle. She took a sip of ice water and looked at him consideringly. Again, Nick suppressed a shiver. He hated being looked at like a... a specimen, but she was a scientist and he supposed that such a reaction from her was inevitable, at least at first. Perhaps when she'd known him longer, she would look at him differently, with friendship... or revulsion. But Nick would take her up on her offer, though he knew Natalie had had no idea of the grave danger she was placing herself in when she had made it. They were both threatened enough as it was; Nick for his decision to put the secret of his kind's existence in the hands of a mortal, and Natalie for her choice to associate with him. And in all honesty, he had told her what could happen. <> <> Nick had warned her. And in all wisdom, he should have warned her again. But he somehow doubted that he could change her mind. Natalie might have denied it, but Nick stuck by his words from that momentous night: "'You are a remarkable woman.'" She was still gazing at him, but her expression had changed, and Nick could not identify it. "What're you thinking, Natalie?" "Just that... you have the biggest, bluest eyes I've ever seen." Nick was a little startled, but allowed himself a small bit of masculine pride. "Funny. I was thinking the same thing about you." They sat down, Natalie on the couch and Nick in the deep leather armchair. "You want to help me?" "I want to to help you," Natalie corrected. "I'm not making any promises, except that." Nick nodded. "Fair enough." "But if you want my help, you've got to play ball with me." "Not a problem," Nick shrugged, grinning. "I love baseball." It was hard, but Natalie reluctantly refrained from making any comments about batboys. "You've got to work with me on this, Nick. I need to know what I'm up against." Nick looked down at his hands, studying the way the fingers fit together, and how fine the hairs were on the knuckles. Then, soberly, he nodded. "What do you want to know about first?" he asked quietly. "About vampires?" "No," said Natalie. Nick looked at her quizzically. "Not yet, anyway. I'd rather know about you." Nick got up slowly, scrubbing his hand through his spiky blond hair. Heavily, he leaned on the mantle. Well, all right, no stars tonight "I'm a very private person," he said lowly. "When you are... what I am, it becomes a necessity. I've forgotten how to talk about myself." Natalie thought for a moment. "We'll start with something simple, then. What's your name? Your real name?" The moon must hide Can't bear to see my face "My name is Nicolas de Brabant. I was born in 1193 in Flanders. Present-day Belgium," he added. So many moons have passed So many suns gone down "I was brought across in 1228. I was thirty-five. I was a soldier..." Too much blood under the bridge Too many worlds turned upside down End Part One April French daomir_darkfell@yahoo.com ===== ~Forever Knight: The Sons of Lilith~ http://www.geocities.com/runeshard/fkficindex.html ~The Corvina~ http://www.geocities.com/runeshard/index.html "And we shall exist by amusing ourselves, by dreaming of monstrous loves and fantastic universes, by complaining and quarreling with the pretenses of the world..." --"The Flash of Lightning" by Arthur Rimbaud __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Yahoo! SiteBuilder - Free, easy-to-use web site design software http://sitebuilder.yahoo.com Subject: Confessions of a Vampire (2/2) Date: Tue, 26 Aug 2003 07:38:52 -0700 From: April French To: FKFIC-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU Disclaimers in first post. Sorry about the mislabeling! Confessions of a Vampire (2/2) Never before had Nick found someone in whom he felt so much trust, enough trust not only to answer Natalie's questions, but to tell her things that had never before left his lips, and it wasn't long before the words came of their own accord. "How could I have known, the first time I tasted a woman's blood, that I was setting such a... horrible pattern for the rest of my life?" And when I crushed her life I always killed the things For which I yearned "Immortality can be a powerful inducement. But the others... they never told me what I would be giving up. And I never stopped to give the matter any thought." Nick stroked the wooden dragon absently. "After fighting for so long--and for so little!--I think I was ready to grasp hold of any scrap of hope." He back at her, eyes brimming with self-reproach. I wish to be a flame And reduced to ashes But I have never burned "Think of what I gave up! Any chance of seeing the sun again, or eating normal, human foods. Having children. Worshipping, loving, talking freely among friends! None of it, Natalie! For eight hundred years, all of that has been denied me." I long to fly in total freedom And yet these chains keep Dragging me down He turned swiftly. Natalie jumped; she'd only seen his eyes that sulfur color once before, and it was frightening. "Can you possibly imagine," he growled, "how that makes me feel?" I want to be an angel Or the devil himself But I am nothing but a creature Longing for the things I can't have "I'm not human. I can pretend to be, but the fact is, I'm not. And the split goes through my very soul It's a wound that never mends "And the very fact that I'm a vampire makes me sick. Our desires are elusive And the hunger never ends "But as much as I try, I can't escape it. I don't want to live forever, but I do want to live, and I want to keep on living until it's my time to die. The need for life, the... the hunger for it--it's the one thing both humans and vampires have in common. But humans have their own lives. We don't. I don't. We have to take it from you--rip it by force from your very veins. I'm eight hundred years old! Think of how many people I've to keep life in my wretched body!" So many victims washing on the shores An ocean of pure tears "And you know what? For a long time, Natalie, I just didn't care." So many pleas for mercy Howls of pain "For a long time, I liked it." Intoxicating fears! "I used mortals and threw them away like old clothes. Refuse, garbage. All drained and used up." I used my body just like a bandage I used their bodies just like a wound Nick shook his head. "And now, I can't get them out of my mind. Everyone I killed... everyone who died so I could live. They are all there, in my mind." And I'll never know where they disappeared But I can see them rising up Out of my memory now Just like the demons rising up from a tomb! "And what can I tell them when they come to me in my dreams? Nothing. There's nothing I can say." And there's no way ever to apologize Repent or make amends He sat down heavily. His eyes were blue once more, and their expression as they rested on Natalie was inconsolable. "I can only hope that what I do with my life now can some how... make up for what I did to them. No release and no redemption "And no matter what I do..." The hunger never ends Nick sighed, deep and despairing. Then he got up, excused himself, and went into the kitchen. Natalie heard the sounds of glass clicking, and then a cork being pulled from a bottle. And then the sounds of someone taking deep swallows. Then Natalie heard a sound that, since she did not turn around, she could only describe as a cross between an angry lion and distant summer thunder. "Well," Nick said, his voice half an octave below normal, "you wanted to know about . Now you know." He recorked his bottle with a slight squeak. "So... what're you going to do about it?" Natalie stood and approached him, with a regal air that gave Nick a bit of a shock. "Exactly what I said I was going to do," she replied. "I am going to try and help you become human again." "Even after all that I've told you." Nick shook his head with a tight, sideways motion. "And that's not even a fraction of what I've done. If you had any sense at all, you would be repulsed." "I'm a scientist, Nick. It's against my code of ethics to be repulsed. I'm also a doctor. It's my duty to help people who ask for it. And I work in a morgue! If I had any sense, I'd go completely nuts." To his surprise, Nick through back his head and laughed as he had not in years. That was a good sign. Maybe this time... but he did not want to get his hopes up. Still chuckling, Nick put the dark green bottle back into the fridge. "I was right about you," he told her. "You are a remarkable woman." This time, Natalie only shook her head, and did not contradict him. Nick glanced at the window and blinked. "It's almost sunrise," he said ruefully. "You need to go." He helped Natalie into her coat. "Will you come back tonight?" "I can't," said Natalie reluctantly. "I've got an all-night shift, and paperwork to keep me busy for the next week." "Oh," said Nick, disappointed. "Well, I'll see you..." He suddenly got a wonderful idea, one that would keep him close to Natalie as well as help him repay his debt. He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it, and then graced her with an adorable schoolboy grin that Natalie was unable to ignore, and she grinned back. "Have a good day, Natalie. I'll see you when I see you." ~Finis--August 25th, 2003~ April French daomir_darkfell@yahoo.com ===== ~Forever Knight: The Sons of Lilith~ http://www.geocities.com/runeshard/fkficindex.html ~The Corvina~ http://www.geocities.com/runeshard/index.html "And we shall exist by amusing ourselves, by dreaming of monstrous loves and fantastic universes, by complaining and quarreling with the pretenses of the world..." --"The Flash of Lightning" by Arthur Rimbaud __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Yahoo! SiteBuilder - Free, easy-to-use web site design software http://sitebuilder.yahoo.com