Subject: Hello (1/1) From: April French Date: Sun, 27 Jul 2003 08:41:01 -0700 To: FKFIC-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU X-UIDL: 9a32a96a4aadb65d7691e24bdc0441ab X-Mozilla-Status: 0001 X-Mozilla-Status2: 00000000 Return-path: Envelope-to: stephke@IGLOU.COM Delivery-date: Sun, 27 Jul 2003 11:41:25 -0400 Received: from [128.118.141.59] (helo=f05n16.cac.psu.edu) by iglou.com with esmtp (8.12.5/8.12.5) id 19gneG-0005yS-Ej for stephke@IGLOU.COM; Sun, 27 Jul 2003 11:41:24 -0400 Received: from f05n16 (f05s16.cac.psu.edu [128.118.141.59]) by f05n16.cac.psu.edu (8.9.3p2/8.9.3) with ESMTP id LAA136008; Sun, 27 Jul 2003 11:41:06 -0400 Message-ID: <200307271541.LAA136008@f05n16.cac.psu.edu> Reply-To: April French Sender: Forever Knight TV show stories X-Foreign-Sender: 128.118.141.59 X-UIDL: 9a32a96a4aadb65d7691e24bdc0441ab Hello--a Forever Knight story By April French Author's Note: A short piece inspired by the burial scene in 'Fallen Idol.' Please ignore all virtual splotches; I was listening to the song as I wrote this, so there may be a few 'tear marks.' Yes, indeed, I wrote an LaCroix/Fleur story! The song is 'Hello' by Evanescence, off their album "Fallen." LaCroix ain't mine either, nor is Fleur, more's the pity. Praise, comments, criticisms and kudos are much loved and treasured. Nasty flames are chucked into the pool. This story will be archived at my site http://www.geocities.com/runeshard/fkficindex.html with all the others. Permission to archive is given to the FTP site. All others wishing to archive must first bribe me with boxes of Kleenex. ~~~ Hello (1/1) I would have entered her chamber, if I could have. But the priest was there to ease her dying, with all the accoutrements of his faith present and prominent, so I could not contrive it. How I wished I could get to her! Grasp her hand, kiss her fading lips, banish Nicholas from my mind and free her from her torturous prison of wasted flesh. Instead I was reduced to clinging to the stone wall outside her narrow window, watching as the shadows crept closer and closer to her, despite the light of fire and torches and tapers. Playground school bell rings, again Rain clouds come to play, again Has no one told you she's not breathing? Nearly twenty years, and still I do not understand what it was about this slip of a girl--this beautiful morsel of humanity--that so captivated me. My own mortal days are far behind me; time has dimmed the memories of it so that I must struggle to recall even the most common occurrence. Hello, I'm your mind, giving you someone to talk to... Love was not highly thought of, in the circles I moved in. I, the great General Lucius of Pompeii, son of Marcus, trusted servant of the ruler of the most powerful emperor in the world, was not expected to succumb to such a pithy emotion as love. Ambition, now that was a fine thing for a military man to have. A necessity, even. But love? A weakness. But I could love, in those days, and I did, although my curt affections were not displayed to the widow I took as my mistress... I said twenty years ago that I loved her. It was the only word I could use to describe to Janette and Nicholas what I felt. I would fain be a stranger to emotion now, to greed, to ambition, even to intellectual pride... if only to move through the world and still not be a part of it. In the end, even the joy of discovery comes with too high a price. If only I could simply watch, dispassionately, and not participate, letting it all just flow over my body like a warm summer rain... and have no reaction, not an angry tirade, not the need to satiate my lusts with either a mortal's blood or body, not even the maudlin scribblings with which I fill these scrolls and sheets of vellum, trundling them about with me across continents and centuries and hoping to the highest star that none but I ever lay eyes on them. Hello... There has always been pain in my life, in one form or another. I have always preferred causing pain to feeling it myself. If I give up one, it fits that I must discard the other as well. Janette knew that I felt something for the girl, even before I myself did. She accepted it, smiling knowingly when she saw me with Fleur in the garden, one white rose in our two hands. If I smile and don't believe Soon I know I'll wake from this dream But Nicholas... Nicholas. Still he curses my name, calls me by the most profane epithets... A child's heart knows no bounds. Nor does its cruelty. So quick to feel and see the truth of my own hard, cruel nature, yet so blind to his own. He is as I am; determined, manipulative, and yes, cruel. But I am not to blame for that. Don't try to fix me I'm not broken made his nature. I only freed it. Did I expect it--and him--to turn on me in such a devious fashion? And does he know that the hell I could have given her is nothing compared to the hell he sentenced her to? His own sister--and he sentenced her to death. As I sentenced my father... as I sentenced my... daughter. My beautiful daughter... whom I know perceive that Nicholas shares more in common with than I ever suspected. Hair like the sun... eyes like twilight skies... and the manipulative powers of a serpent. But he is far more blind to his own defects than... my daughter was. His hypocrisy in the matter of his sister stunned me twenty years ago, and stuns me yet. And I shall tell him so. Someday. When he has matured, and become less the fragile boy he is now. Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide... But he was not only a hypocrite, he was a damned fool to boot if he thought that I would stay away from her forever. I saw her once more, after her husband... disappeared, and was presumed dead. It comforted me then to see that her mourning of him was perfunctory, though well-performed. The man her family had married her to was a bloody idiot, and on the whole I thought she was better off without him. I had meant to remain hidden, and vanish before she caught sight of me. But instead I went to her, silently. And I, who avoid pain at all costs, willingly stepped into a scene that would eventually wound me beyond measure. Perhaps even end me. *Don't cry...* One night. One night to last for an eternity. When it was over, I cast pride to the devil and begged her to come with me, to forswear Nicholas and join me. We would walk among the stars! But her loyalty to her child outweighed her love for me. And as I had once left her out of love, so it was that out of love she sent me away. Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping There was a dreadful sense of alertness in her chamber, and I who walk hand in glove with Death every night suddenly felt his expansive presence in that room. They brought the boy to her bedside for her last moments. Barely fourteen, trying manfully and failing miserably to stifle his tears. I no longer have the luxury of tears. Were I to weep, I would weep in blood, and I am too careful to waste even a drop. The priest began to speak, and I had to stop my ears to keep the holy words from damaging me. At any other time, I would have closed my eyes... but they were full of her. There was silence. The boy knelt by her bedside, taking her hand as I wished to do, and she looked at him but did not speak. Then her head turned toward the window where I perched, unseen by all but her sunken eyes, once so lively and bright. She saw me--I know she did!--held me in her gaze for a moment, then looked past me to behold the stars she had so delighted in, that I had offered her, that even in death she desired. Hello, I'm still here, all that's left <> <> <> <> <> <> <> Of yesterday... Au revoir, mon amour. ~Finis--July 26th, 2003~ April French daomir_darkfell@yahoo.com ===== ~Forever Knight: The Sons of Lilith~ http://www.geocities.com/runeshard/fkficindex.html ~The Corvina~ http://www.geocities.com/runeshard/index.html "And we shall exist by amusing ourselves, by dreaming of monstrous loves and fantastic universes, by complaining and quarreling with the pretenses of the world..." --"The Flash of Lightning" by Arthur Rimbaud __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Yahoo! SiteBuilder - Free, easy-to-use web site design software http://sitebuilder.yahoo.com