Subject: Adult: The Dark Night of the Soul (1/2) Date: Wed, 20 Aug 2003 06:00:28 -0700 From: April French To: FKFIC-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU The Dark Night of the Soul--a Forever Knight story By April French Adultish: Nick/Nat Author's Note: Takes place immediately after 'Near Death.' I haven't watched it in a while, so please forgive any inconsistencies. I'll fix them later. As usual, I think it's adult, but I'm not sure; just want to be safe! The song is 'The Dark Night of the Soul,' by Loreena McKennitt, and no, I'm not putting a 'K' in the title. Praise, comments, criticisms and kudos gratefully accepted and rewarded with real Brooklyn pizza. All nasty flames will be force-fed the crappy imitation pizza they serve in my school's dining hall. This story will be archived at my site http://www.geocities.com/runeshard/fkficindex.html with all the others. Permission to archive is given to the FTP site and to the DarkNN site if they want it. All others must first bribe me with pepperoni, sausages, onions and extra garlic... okay, skip the garlic (Honestly, Schanke could never be a vampire. No vampire could drink his blood and not keel over dead from all the garlic!). ~~~ The Dark Night of the Soul (1/2) "'I found out that forgiveness isn't asked for, it's earned. And I'll do that. Here. Among the living.'" Those had been his words, and they had been running non-stop through Natalie's head all day. "'It's earned. And I'll do that... I'll do that... among the living... I'll do that...'" Her fingers drummed on her desk, nervously tapping out a rhythm to Nick's declaration. "'And I'll do that. Here. Among the living.'" "And I'll do whatever it takes to help him," Natalie promised herself. She went back to her notebook, scribbling, calculating, erasing... But somehow--she could not say how or why--she knew, deep in her heart, that the first step towards making Nick human, finding him forgiveness, was to convince him to forgive himself. Convince him to trust himself. And to trust her. She chewed on her pencil, knowing that the conclusion she had come to--without even realizing it--might get her killed. But something had to be done, and soon. The harder Nick tried to suppress his vampiric nature, the more he tried to become human, the further and further he slipped from his goal, into a pit of desolation and self-reproach. Natalie decided, closing her notebook, She took her calendar from her purse. Nick had tonight off. It would be hard to convince him tonight, Natalie knew. His defenses would still be up after his near death experience. He would not want to let her in. But he said he was going to earn his forgiveness. Natalie knew he would do almost anything to achieve that. And she was going to help him. *** Upon a darkened night The flame of love was burning in my breast And by a lantern bright I fled my house while all in quiet rest The rest of her apartment building was quiet as a church mouse as Natalie snuck out. She felt abysmally foolish for tiptoeing through the halls and down the stairs; she worked nights, for God's sake! She left the building every night. It was her destination that was making her act so stealthily. Shrouded by the night And by the secret stair I quickly fled The veil concealed my eyes While all within lay quiet as the dead She ignored the elevator at Nick's loft, using instead the side staircase. Every step was a chance for her to change her mind, to turn around and run back to her car. She kept climbing. She took her key and gently unlocked the door, and pushed it open. The loft was quiet. For a minute, Natalie thought Nick might be out. His car was still in the garage, but Nick did have other means of transportation. Then she saw the light of the fire glinting off his wavy blond hair, and the crystal goblet he was balancing on his knee. He turned his head, his deep cobalt eyes mildly surprised. "Hi, Nat," he said. "What brings you here?" Oh night thou was my guide Oh night more loving than the rising sun Oh night that joined the lover To the beloved one Transforming each of them into the other Natalie crossed the loft and sat down in the big leather chair across from Nick. "We need to do something about you, Nick. You're not drinking the protein shakes, you're not taking your vitamins, you've stopped using the sun bed... You've almost come to a complete stop." Her patient had the good graces to look ashamed. "I know." "Granted, they might not have been working too wonderfully, but they're all I have to work with." She paused. She knew perfectly well the answer to her next question, but she still had to ask it. "Do you still want to be human, Nick?" He looked deeply wounded. "You know I do." "Do you still think that I'm the one who can help you?" "Yes..." "Do you trust me?" she pressed, needing to know if what she had planned was even possible. "Do you?" "You know the answer to that, too," said Nick quietly. Upon that misty night In secrecy, beyond such mortal sight Without a guide or light Than that which burned so deeply in my heart Natalie moved to sit next to Nick. She took the goblet of blood from his hand and set it on the coffee table. She saw the confusion in his eyes, and, she realized, the fear. Ultimately, it was the fear that was holding him back. She reached up and cupped his cheek, thumb brushing his cheekbone. Nick closed his eyes, nuzzling her gratefully. Suddenly horrified, he grabbed her hand and pushed it away. "Don't," he growled. His blue eyes flashed saffron in warning. She shook her head. "You need to trust me, Nick." "I do," he rumbled, taking deep breaths. "It's myself I don't trust." "If you ever want forgiveness, Nick, you need to forgive yourself. To trust yourself." His eyes were completely molten now, glowing and imploring her. "Natalie... I can't. ." "Why not?" The image of a maggot-eaten corpse darted across his brain. <> "I'm a monster. A--" Natalie kissed him. End Part One April French daomir_darkfell@yahoo.com ===== ~Forever Knight: The Sons of Lilith~ http://www.geocities.com/runeshard/fkficindex.html ~The Corvina~ http://www.geocities.com/runeshard/index.html "And we shall exist by amusing ourselves, by dreaming of monstrous loves and fantastic universes, by complaining and quarreling with the pretenses of the world..." --"The Flash of Lightning" by Arthur Rimbaud __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Yahoo! SiteBuilder - Free, easy-to-use web site design software http://sitebuilder.yahoo.com Subject: Adult: The Dark Night of the Soul (2/2) Date: Wed, 20 Aug 2003 06:01:22 -0700 From: April French To: FKFIC-L@LISTS.PSU.EDU Disclaimers in first post. The Dark Night of the Soul (2/2) That fire 'twas led me on And shone more bright than of the midday sun To where he waited still It was a place where no one else could come She put his arms around her and made him hold her, feeling the rough purr in his chest. He rested his cheek on her head. "I'm afraid, Nat." "Make love to me. Just take a little. It'll be all right." Oh night thou was my guide Oh night more loving than the rising sun Oh night that joined the lover To the beloved one Transforming each of them into the other Without quite knowing how, Nick found himself on the floor before the fireplace, with Natalie kissing him deeply as she unbuttoned his blue silk shirt. Her hands were hot on his cold skin and he moaned in delight at the meeting of the two extremes. "God, Nat, you have no idea what you're doing..." "I think I know exactly what I'm doing," she teased, nipping at his earlobe. Quick as a flash, Nick grabbed her by the shoulders and flipped her over. "You asked for it," hissed Nick playfully, and proceeded to bathe her throat with his tongue in long strokes from her collarbone to her chin. He shucked out of his shirt, and Natalie kneaded his shoulder blades like an impatient cat. Nick stopped abruptly. "Nat, if you want me to stop, it has to be now--" Natalie's hand on his lips and the expression in her eyes effectively silenced him. Within my pounding heart Which kept itself entirely for him He fell into his sleep Beneath the cedars all my love I gave They tenderly divested each other of their clothing, Nick pausing to stare in awe at the nude woman beneath him. How many times had he imagined this? And how his imaginings had fallen short of the truth! Natalie's hands wonderingly explored the fine hard lines of his muscles and the raised ridges of old scars that he had always before kept carefully hidden, as a part of a man who no longer existed. He would not hide them from her again. Reverently, trusting in her with all his heart and soul, his body covered her as the dark night waned. >From o'er the fortress walls, The wind would brush his hair against his brow And with its smoothest hand Caressed my every sense it would allow All of Natalie's nerves were aroused to an almost painful awareness, and her senses were full of Nick as he moved against her. Looking down at her face, so filled with love--for him--Nick felt his heart warm within his chest. He loved her. He hugged her close to his body, whispering in her ear, when his body suddenly stiffened, and he roared. His eyes burned yellow and his fangs lashed out but did not puncture her flesh. Natalie gasped. Oh night thou was my guide Oh night more loving than the rising sun Oh night that joined the lover To the beloved one Transforming each of them into the other "I forgive you, Nick," she cried, arching into him. Nick clutched her back fiercely, leaving deep scratches. "I forgive you for everything." I lost myself to him And laid my face upon my lover's breast And care and grief grew dim As in the morning's mist became the light They held each other tightly for a few brief moments, lost in bliss, before Nick collapsed into Natalie's embrace. She was placing tiny kisses along his jawline, and he felt like he was glowing from the inside out. Breathless and exhausted... but at peace. There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair "Look, Nat," Nick whispered. "The sun's rising." ~Finis--August 19th, 2003~ April French daomir_darkfell@yahoo.com ===== ~Forever Knight: The Sons of Lilith~ http://www.geocities.com/runeshard/fkficindex.html ~The Corvina~ http://www.geocities.com/runeshard/index.html "And we shall exist by amusing ourselves, by dreaming of monstrous loves and fantastic universes, by complaining and quarreling with the pretenses of the world..." --"The Flash of Lightning" by Arthur Rimbaud __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Yahoo! SiteBuilder - Free, easy-to-use web site design software http://sitebuilder.yahoo.com